Volume II

[workinghardguy]

TM... following along on JB's comments... be absolutely sure what you want before choosing an ultimatum. The power of the ultimatum/threat is that there is a bright line that cannot be crossed or dire consequences will follow. The other edge of that sword though is that you absolutely have to follow through on the threat or you lose all face and consistency.

If you want to end this that is certainly a choice. I don't have an OM in my sitch... I don't know what I would say if I did. But I'd be lying if I said I hadn't had thoughts of an ultimatum or threat of divorce. Particularly when I'm fed up with the disrespect or feel I'm being completely taken advantage of.

But then I pull back. I realize that ultimately, at least right now, divorce is not what I want. I want our M to work and so could I threaten her into compliance? Maybe. But what kind of life would that be?

Right now I don't believe my W wants a divorce. I think the idea of an actual D scares her, primarily because of the logistics of it and maybe the emotion too. So it might "shake her up" in the immediate but in the long-term the price would be very high. Coercion always fails eventually, and that's what it would be.

She has to come around on her own terms and in her own way. And if she never comes around then she never comes around. If you think you're there... that she'll never come around... then it's in your power to change things. But understand you're likely heading down a path that you may never be able to recover your M from.