Today is awful. I really dont want to handle this anymore. It doesnt help to get a bill in the mail from my L for 4,000.
I knew there were problems in my M when I suspected he was either talking to OW or seeing OW in the past (not the present OW). Of course I was the crazy one and it wasnt what i thought it was is what i would hear from H. Maybe i feel so much guilt because I knew deep down I wasnt crazy and did nothing about it but confront and go silent for awhile. Maybe I shouldve told him to leave and not look back. Im just not that kind of person. So now Im suffering for it.
To be honest....if he hadnt been caught this time, because I had concrete evidence, I think he would still be here. Probably lying, and cheating. What is wrong with me? He is the only man Ive ever had in my life.
Tomorrow is my BDay and Monday is my H. This is the first time in 34 years we have not celebrated together. Its going to be hard I think.
I read the book the five love languages and how I wish I wouldve read that along long time ago. It is in that book that I realized I was not fulfilling his needs and the way he needed to be loved. I dont know why I want another chance I really dont. He is a very sweet, kind, compassionate H that provided so well for his family. But yet their were many secrets and lies.
Thank You again for responding.
Rue, ((( )))s
I was so afraid he would leave and I didnt want that. Maybe after a while he knew how he could get away with it and wait it out. I really did believe this man loved me. Did I always show him no. He is much more affectionate than me. Did that make him turn to others that gave him the affection he needed.
