Im just going to give up.

[Queen_of_Swords]

Again I dont know why I love and miss him like I do. But the fact is I do. This is where Im having a hard time.

Hi Rue.

I think we've all been there. Still in love and loving our spouses, bewildered, and wondering what the h3ll is going on.

Rue, since your H never said he was unhappy, you had absolutely no clue that anything in your behaviour was wrong.
Therefore, you also have an image in your mind that things were if not perfect, at least all right.

Your perception of reality Rue, has just bumped up against a fact that your H perceived your lives differently and you can't resolve the conflict between the two.

I've been there myself. Still am some days.

Fact is no two people will see a situation in the same way.
Our experience is different, the eyes we see through are different, the information gets filtered and sorted differently in all of us.

There is fact and there is perception and often there is often argument on what the facts are!

If you can wrap your mind around this, you can then understand that your picture of what you believed was true about your M and your H was distorted. For you, that means a lack of information from your H.

You still love him based in part upon those distortions.

Also if you're anything like I was, you're also questioning what was based in truth/reality and how much of your life was based on lie/erroneous perception.
You love him, but in my opinion, you're now questioning that love and the basis for it. That's hard and painful.

There will be peace soon Rue once you figure out what the differences are between the love you feel, the ideas of what you think love should be, and what unconditional/healthy love really looks like.

(((Hugs)))