Okay, just took a shower and I think I clarified what I'm trying to get out here -
I think I have the type of personality that I'm more like I need to know what's going to happen. So the "openness" of this R (simply meaning the possibility that it could reconcile) is too ambiguous for me. I kind of need to move on, heal, and close the door.
So I'm doing just that, but then I kind of go - do I want to really close any doors? IDK. I mean, for good? IDK. If exBF were to get wind of his issues and want to work on them or make changes ... *maybe* .... but not the way things are now.
But I think I'm keenly aware (afraid) that behvior of mine may impact him in a way that I'm closing doors. Does that even make sense?
