Youngster's WAW Still Chooses OM!

[aeolianchaos]

I'm not sure why I'm keeping this a secret anymore. Maybe just in general because it's easier to keep a lid on things. I also feel that telling everybody would blow any possible chances of R and may even bring on some even nastier behavior from her. I don't feel like messing around with it for the time being.

Do what you need to.

Keep in mind that M has a lot of family dynamics to it.

Yes, it may make R more difficult. On the other hand you feel like you are being compelled to lie and deceive people who care about you. Thats also cr@ppy.

but the "mind movies" have been getting stronger and stronger, as have my emotions regarding them.

You don't need to be 'strong'.. strength isn't the answer here, man. Compartmentalizing is a great skill, but it isn't forever.. it gives you a chance to process things without thinking about them, but it doesn't mean you'll never think about it again.

Sometimes its about learning how to surf the waves.. you recognize those thoughts as thoughts, those emotions as emotions.. feel them deeply without telling yourself any new stories about it.

I had a strange desire to know the details. I'm not sure why. I just did

Its a normal response..

I feel so angry, so hurt, so betrayed. I sometimes wish that I could find a way to make her hurt like she's hurting me. What hurts the most is how she has herself convinced that she's doing nothing wrong and that I'm to blame for anything

Do you think causing her pain will bring you relief from your own suffering?

Why does it hurt you that she believes something?

Do you believe it, too?

Perhaps this is a good opportunity to look at how you feel about yourself, your wants, your needs, and your desires?

Sorry to kind of go on about this. It was just getting bottled up and I felt that I needed to release it. Where better than DB.com? I know that I will eventually get past this. Unfortunately, I feel stuck. A lot of me feels like I don't want to be with my W anymore because she has treated me so cruelly. Yet I think of dating anyone else and the idea just turns me off.

I appreciate that you are sharing how you feel and whats going on up there. It seems like you are getting in touch w/ something deeper and true about you.

I wouldn't worry about being with anyone either way right now. You will be with someone eventually but right now is the best time you've ever had to work on being with your self.