Well - a word of caution about exposing the affair.
There are some cases, true, with a basically sane spouse who still has a conscience, where exposing the affair snaps them awake and out of fantasyland.
These cases are RARE.
More often what I have seen is that when the affair is exposed, it pushes the WAS further into the affair with the OP, and makes them see the LBS as petty and reactive.
(Plus, if you DO reconcile, it will be awkward forever with your family, who will never forgive her).
Far better, imho, to do what you did - drop the rope, stick to the high road, and after the initial period of pursuit doesn't work, let her think you are moving on.
As for what she has told you about OM - S and M, really??? Ick. I think that just tells you something about how whacked she is right now. And I suspect her comment about his equipment may not even be true, just designed to hurt you - we already know she's capable of spewing the nastiest stuff. Don't get sucked in.
