THank you for your honesty and being stern with me. I think thats what I need. So many questions you asked. I will try.
I live in IL.
Im not sure if the following are traits i have tried to change or 180's or a combo: What I have learned is that I loved him the wrong way. Ive learned everyone needs to be loved in their own way. I didnt do that. He was very affectionate. Not me and I know now that I was giving to him what he didnt need but its what I needed and how I needed to be loved. He was definitely a PDA type of guy, not me.
I have started looking for a job.
I have so much more patience than before but maybe thats the meds.
I have changed my appearance. Cut my hair, hi-lighted it, lost weight.
I have told people close to me whether it was family or friends that I loved them and value them for being in my life, something I would have never done before and that included his family. And it feels good to say it.
As far as Dbing, one important thing i think i have done is when we did communicate during our separation I was NOT confrontational and TRIED to let him know I understood his concerns and feelings very briefly without going on and on if he expressed any frustration or anger.
I tried to keep communication minimal. I stopped texting or emailing him alot. Only for household questions.
If he did text me or email I would wait and not respond immediately.
I have gone dark for along period of time.
As far as GAL. I guess I havent done much with that. I just dont know how to GAL. Thats not a cop out answer it is an honest answer. Ive really never done anything for me. Its always been for my family so Im really uncomfortable in doing things for myself.
My children are in therapy and it was their decision to do so. They have been deeply affected by him leaving and why he left and because he rarely contacts them, and if he does he sets the rules. I dont ask them what they talk about in therapy but Im sure their dad is a frequent topic. They are very angry with him. Me on the other hand cant get mad at him.
There are people know that he left and why. It is mostly my family who has been there to support me and supply comfort. H family also knows. They have been very supportive for me also. As far as friends knowing I dont believe alot of them know. We didnt have a big circle of friends. He probably more so than me because of his work and he im sure he would never tell them what has happened or if he did it wasnt the truth.
As far as what i meant when I said "he got caught bad", I had proof of the OW, which he denied until the day I confronted him. He didnt see that coming when I confronted him with the proof and he walked out the door and didnt look back.
And to be honest, this isnt the first time H has had OW. He always denied any involvement but i know different know.
So ... I must say that in the first quarter of this year I felt alot better than I do know. I really believe that this D process is getting the best of me and the fact that he is happy with someone else and has completely stopped all communication with me.
As far as my L. I do trust him I just have a hard time with his "BED SIDE MANNER". He's not the most compassionate guy there is but then he told me hes not a therapist. He is very intimidating in my opinion but I know he is there to protect me and help me. I am fearing that this is near the end of my M because we have to decide on who gets what. I am having a real hard time with that. To me that means it really over and I held on to that ever slight piece of hope that this D wouldnt happen.
Im sure I didnt answer everything so please ask me more.
I do have one question. How does he see changes if there is no communication between us or we havent seen each other in 3 months? How does he see it? We've been dark for the last 2 months.
