It has been a really long time since I have talked about my Husband's MLC but I sometimes feel drawn to this place that used to be my solace and maybe it is time I started writing again. As a survivor with a reconcilled marriage it is easier to have hindsight and therefore I hope that my words don't come across as if I don't have compassion for your hurt. I promise you I know the pain you are feeling. I know when it hurts to just breathe because your heart is so broken. I understand the feelings of doubt when your whole world as you know it has been pulled out from under you. I get it, I really do. But one of the things I didn't do enough of for myself was to get a life of my own. I moped about living in a constant state of gloom just waiting for the other shoe to drop. I was the Queen of pity parties Looking back now I can say "if only" because I will never ever again get that time back. Just because my Husband left, did not mean that my life was over. It was just different, but definately not over. Just because my Husband found "happiness" (and I use that word loosely) with another woman, didn't mean that I was a loser or that I had suddenly overnight become unattractive. Yes I needed to make changes. There were things about me that would make your toes curl especially during PMS week, but when MLC came knocking at my door I stood up and took notice. I did make alot of changes in my life but not enough. I hesitated too much and based decisions on fear. I was worried that if I did something then maybe my Husband would get angry and proceed with the divorce. Hindsight is 20/20 and I lost out big time by not doing enough for myself. I guess what I am trying to say is that if your spouse really is in MLC you have a 50/50 chance of them coming home again. Either way you must continue to live your life to the fullest without having any regrets. Sitting around in mourning over your WAS is just a waste of precious time. It takes oodles of time and patience and forgivness to recover from MLC so start working on the latter now. Even if they never come back work on forgivness. Don't become bitter and allow one more thing to take away from yourself and take up space in your head. Do something nice for yourself even if it means just taking a bubble bath or buying an ice cream cone. Stop punishing yourself with "if only's" and start living again.
