I have read the db books, seen a db coach, but it seems at this point my H just want it to end. In my heart I dont feel this is really what he wants. He just got caught so bad he doesnt know how to dig himself out of the hole. To much pride to swallow and he is very narcisictic.
In the earlier months it seemed like I was better, I was out doing things, joined some support groups, (which I still attend), I guess what bother me the most if the process the D is in right now. I dont want to talk about who gets what because to me it means my hope for trying to save this or try to save this is pretty diminished. It a hard pill to swallow.
Do these WAS' who have OW really stay in these relationships? I know its a honeymoon phase and all is hunky dory but it isnt LIFE. My H i know misses his children. And Im not sure if he misses me but I got a feeling he does. He just wont say it because to many people know what hes done and he cant face that.
I have asked him recently to try therapy. If not for himself, or me or us atleast for our kids. My kids are all in therapy. I to am in therapy twice a week and will be going into more intensive therapy soon. I have meds i take. H thinks therapy is for bashing and people who are mentally ill which he would tell you he doesnt qualify for. I know if he could just get there and see things in a different way he would come around.
I know it may sound to you all like im in my own pity party. Its not what i want to preceive to you. I know I have to get up and move around but my mind is constantly 24/7 on H. Thinking of good time, BAD times, times I know hes cheated, what is he doing? etc. I dont know how to turn that off.
I am sad but even more scared of a new way of life. To be honest Im not one that likes to be alone and feel I will be. The self -esteem is lacking.
How many of you that have responded to me had a good outcome with the spouse coming back? How long was it? Was there a certain thing you did to make them come back? I hear affairs dont last. I dont know the percentage especially when its out of state. Also and this is quite personal did any one of you have to deal with any kind of addictions. I think there has been a porn addiction in situation with my H. Of course he has denied it. Does this addiction make them seek OW?
Looking forward to your responses.
As far as today...it was a bad morning. Very teary. I just hate the loneliness. I hate that I cant call him and ask him what he's doing. Im just really scared everyone. This D process is scaring me to death. So if there are any L out there maybe you could explain more of the process to me. I have a good L but he is very intimidating. Doesnt help when im so emotional.
