I was DB'ing but just discovered an affair

[NTX_Dad]

I bit of an update and journaling:

Our anniversary was Wednesday and I was really torn about what to do, and decided to remain NC as long as I could stand it. Well it didn't take long and around 9am the stbx texted me and wished me a happy anniversary. I couldn't help but reply back and wish her the same. She then admitted she was sad and I told her I was too and that just texting her was making me tear up. She said she cried at work a few times as well... so we pretty much ended the texting after that.

Later in the afternoon against my logic, my emotions prevailed and I invited her and my daughter to dinner... nothing fancy and no fan fare, just to see each other. She eagerly accepted.

The dinner started off ok but the mood quickly changed when we found out her friend's father had just passed. Our D8 played on her iTouch and the stbx became pretty quiet and was texting a lot. We talked some but the mood was definitely changed for obvious reasons.

One thing that struck me was that I couldn't help but imagine she was actually texting a guy... perhaps the one that I suspected she was having the EA with. It probably wasn't the case, but I couldn't help it. And then it struck me. If I can't trust her anymore then is this worth fighting for?

We got back to the house and the stbx decided it was too late to drive to their place and still do homework, so she wanted the D8 to stay at the house. The D8 became upset from the last minute change and had a melt down. She said this whole sitch was stressful to her and that her life stunk because of the divorce. I agree but kept my mouth shut and just kept reassuring her that we both love her.

The stbx had to leave to let the dog out, so D8 and I did the homework and went to bed.

As I lay there, I wondered why the stbx changed plans suddenly and left D8 with me, and my imagination ran wild again. I became irritated and couldn't sleep.

Since that night, I have had minimal contact with the stbx mostly because I have been irritated and felt that a fight could possibly start up if we had contact.

I will have to see her tomorrow when I pick up D8 so hopefully my anger will have faded by then.