GALing and Boundaries with XH

[AntoniaB]

Thanks Beatrice, for writing. I think that's a good way to find the line--what reinforces our peace is a boundary; what tells them how to live their life is control.

Here's a very small thing that I realized would be controlling before I said it as I was tempted to back when he and I were talking:

I had been telling him about how much I was enjoying learning meditation and how it was making me feel really clear and not react so angrily to even little things. Because I feel so good about this positive change for me, and because I know him well enough to know that he REALLY needs to learn some anger management/stress management, I had SO much desire to tell him "you should try this." (Frankly I have done that with others--my one sister, for instance--but she's not in MLC and she's receptive to "big sister" giving advice and always has been).

Anyway I caught myself thinking that I should tell him he should try this or "he would like it or find it beneficial" and I held back.

See the old me would have rationalized telling him "do this" because she would have said "but it's a GOOD thing I'm telling him to do, so that makes it ok." But to an MLCer, it doesn't matter if it's good or bad or indifferent, it's still a way to suggest that the one telling it "knows better" or is the "parent", which would put them off. So I was glad I could see my old pattern in time to stop myself.

Oh wow, your friend's XH's comment is definitely ludicrous. I'd have laughed at that too.