don't forget that's it's only days away now, before you end THIS part of the process and begin the phase of HER having no obstacle (ie you) preventing her from being soooo happy FINALLY b/c you won't be holding her back! Yes I'm rolling my eyes...
IF there is going to be another chapter for you two, THAT'S when it will start...NOT before
And I think she's probably freaking out these days too b/c she knows the date is approaching...I am not picking up vibes of her having 2nd thoughts IMO, but how she is perceived.
And what she can get.
But I can't imagine anyone not having any 2nd thoughts for a minute here and there as the day approaches.
Heck, my wedding day I had some second thoughts a few times, for a few minutes at a time. It's natural before any seemingly irreversible course of action happens. But this is NOT irreversible!
So stop waiting for her to wake up any time soon. The signs are not there for a turn around soon BUT b/c she's sooo NOT Indifferent there might be hope down the road after the dust settles.
But Tad I am warning you here and now so please heed this...
ANY recon between you two that happens within 90 days of NOW, will fail. (I also think the odd are very tiny, but am saying "even IF"....NO too soon!!)
So don't even bother putting two brain cells on that topic.
Save them for the life you are going to create for you and your sons NOW and from this day forward.
What plans have you discussed with the boys for a fun side trip over the holidays?
What GAL activity have you started THIS WEEK? THese are not new ideas or suggestions by any means...Tad, show your sons what to do when they face this. Don't just fume and WAIT for the phone call. What is that teaching THEM?
Come on Tad...iF not GAL now, when? What are you waiting for? Are you waiting til you feel better and feel "more like it'?
That's the problem Tad, the WAY to feel more like it is by doing it.
Give yourself a push Tad...a bigger one.
You are standing still too much. And looking backwards and being
in "Stuckville", population:You... move to the land of Today and Be Here Now
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Tad, 25 years raises an excellent point about being in Stuckville and waiting to GAL. Know what pushed my butt out of the house to GAL? Eric. Eric made me promise once that in the next week I'd do something I had never done before that would get me out of the house to meet new people/start living again.
I ended up going to a poetry reading. Yes I teach college literature, but I've only ever gone to poetry readings that the college put on and it has been years since that has happened. This was a local poetry group that announced on FB that they were meeting at the library.
I went in, listened, and two things happened: I saw a woman read a poem on the 5th anniversary of her husband's death. She never read her poems to anyone before. We were all strangers. He died of cancer 5 years and a few hours and minutes prior to when she read (she told us the exact amount of time).
Watching her pain told me I didn't have it so bad.
Secondly, I decided to ask a question of one poet, and when I introduced myself, I heard myself say that I was a professor and that I'd published a book on fairy tale analysis, and because of that I was interested in the one poet's work with rewriting fairy tales in her poetry.
That did something else: for the first time ever, I realized that I was a legitimate author. Here I published a book in 2009 and because of what my XH put me through it never even had an impact on me. I never had congratulated myself for my accomplishments till that moment. I was an "expert" in a field in the eyes of all these strangers.
So I learned empathy and self-esteem all from going out and doing something different. It was a watershed moment.
You need to promise us that you'll do ONE THING you have never done this week to get out of the house and meet some new people. I'm telling you, Eric was right. It really works.
M45 Bomb 6/09; EA 6/10; Divorced 1/11 Proud single mom of 7 little feline girls and one little feline boy "Fall down 53 times. Get up 54." -- Zen saying
I'll post my own analogous experience later, b/c I want to congratulate Ant on hers...
Well done Antonia, truly.
((( )))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Go out and do something for you. Stop waiting to see what W does or says. Live your life for you and your boys. The only way to stop being a victim in this is to stop letting yourself be one.
Oh Tad, I feel your pain but you have to stop doing things that give you more pain.
When I was reading about your phone conversation, I thought "here we go again".
When you talk try to talk to a baby, what do you get? Baby talk. When you argue with a teenager, what do you get? You get talked back. When you talk to crazy people, they won't make sense.
So if you can't help yourself, and end up only giving her more rope to hang you with, I agree that its best for you to just go completely dark.
As everyone says now, its not going to happen. She has to learn, and the way she is rushing through at full speed, I don't think there is time for here to even stop and take stock of her surroundings. She is operating on full emotional power, with rage and pain and anger driving her, fueling her on.
Let her go. The faster she hits rock bottom, then the better for you. Once she does, there is nowhere to go but up....
Me:49 H:45 D:12 M:14 T:18 Bomb: 6/26/10 EA: 9/3/10, fizzled out slowly, now ??? 11/5/11 Retrouvaille Finally piecing.... Its peaceful at last, but we got a looong way to go
The Sitch: Married 26 years EA w/ OM 9/10 Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary) Sep 12/10 She wants D 1/11 W files 5/11 D final 10/11 XW marries OM 6/13
