Good, DC. It all sounds good. And you're right about D. It's not over just because D happens. You really are doing well.
I only meant about R talk, when you tell her again how you've changed, or how you miss her, not being a good listener when she brings up R. Being a good listener for her is probably a good 180 for you.
I don't know if everyone needs a sponsor at AA. I just figured they assigned one.
Anyway, you are doing well, I can see. Keep it going. vc
Had the kids last night, yet again another good night!!
Both telling me the love and miss me.
Wife called to speak to the kids, I didn't speak to her, no reason to really.
She then called again later to speak to them again, this time she asked to speak to me, it was about some clothes for the kids, etc, again a nothing call, but she asked to speak to me??
She usually only calls once, and the conversation we had was nothing??
Maybe I read too much into things, but she has called to make conversation with me again, it was a nothing call, but yet again its from her.
I wish I could stop over thinking about things, but as we have been apart for so long and a pattern has formed, I notice changes and different actions.
All I know is that this is far from over even after divorce
Divorce is only a word, my love for my wife is forever, and we both know that.
Love it! I needed to hear that as well. Keep up the baby steps DC!
Me: 30 W: 28 T 8, M 6 S: 7-27-2007 W filed (again) 3-2011 Served 8-2011 Responded, now dark "I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear" MLK
I had my AA meeting last night all was good, it was interesting to here from a recovering Alcoholic, that when she finally understood what was going on, and told her parents that she was changing, and sorry for the hurt she had caused, they didn't believe her as they had heard it all so many times, and it took a long time for them to accept!!!
So I came out, and called "home", i had some things to drop off for the kids and asked my wife could I take them up and see the kids at the same time, yeah, no problem.
I get there and the kids are excited to see me, we hugged and kissed, as I was leaving my wife asked her to call her when I got home, as I walked away my daughter was shouting," I love you, miss you daddy", and i heard my wife say, " you are seeing him tomorrow, whats up with you"!!!, I ignored it and left.
So I get home and call her, she starts off fine, all polite talking about the kids etc. Then she tells me she has been to see her solicitor regarding the financial stuff, she told him that we had spoken about it, and that we wanted to sort it out with as little upset as possible, he said it was the best way forward, then she said that after speaking to him he has written to my solicitor with an offer of XYZ, this was different to what we had "agreed" in principle, when I told her that, she said that he advised her on this, I didn't need to accept it, but that she wanted it sorting quickly??
I told her why send it, if I can refuse it? I was happy with what we had agreed? She tried to blame the solicitor, but I told her that he worked for her!!! Things got a little heated as we both put our points across, so I just said if we can agree on what we had already "agreed" on I would sign it straight away, she then started to tell me that she hated how I treated people like business deals, and that I wasn't speaking to someone from work?, she said that my abruptness really pi**** her off the most about me?
I tried to explain that I agreed that she and the kids remain in the house, and that the money was just money and business, it was nothing to do with her or the kids?
She then told me that women want to feel protected, and safe, and that I wasn't helping her?? She said that I spoke about us getting back together eventually, and re-married, and that if thats what I truely wanted why was I being so awkward over this????
I just said that I would speak to my solicitor and get back to her, things calmed down. Then she threw in that she wanted it all sorting for Xmas, so we could all have a great Xmas, I said the days of great Xmas were over for the time being, how can they be great with the kids being dragged all over??? She said that Xmas day, is just a day??
I told her I cannot believe what she is saying, it did not sound like her, Xmas was always special, she told me that I had spoilt that!!! Ouch!!!
So we ended calmly, but I cannot help but feel she it trying to emotionaly blackmail me into agreement over money?
Why mention the future? She has never said anything about it in the past, now it is put across as, just sign it for now, because we will be getting together again in the future?? Who can see that happening!!!!
Very Very confused about what to do for the best
I'm suppose to be strong, and caring, but to do that I expose my self financially?
Do I take the risk of us getting back together and everything falling back into place, or is it a cold hard split, and what will be will be, but I will only be upseting her further!!!!
Oh hon, I feel ya on this. My H is being very ugly as far as finances are concerned. My sitch is very different from yours, as I am a SAHM. He just can't seem to understand that it's really not all about him. He left me. He's going to have to help me to get on my feet financially. I worry that the financial arguments will be what will drive us further apart.
What your W is trying to do is emotional blackmail. I wouldn't sign anything unless you are comfortable with it. You have to look out for your own future here. Maybe in the future, have your W keep finance talks to email - makes it a little more impersonal. That's what I have had to do, and it helped calm things down a bit. Plus, it gives you the opportunity to focus on better things when you see her. Takes the focus off the negative crap that is money.
Hi, DC, sorry about what is happening now. Your W is wanting to get more than she is entitled to and using emotional blackmail because she knows what YOU want. Be careful, and make sure your L knows what you two agreed to in the first place. You want to be sure the kids are happy and well taken care of; your first priority.
She doesn't like not getting her way, that's why she is being critical of how you are handling it, by saying you treat people like business deals. Well, D is like a business deal. And since she is being unreasonable, it's best to treat it like one, anyway. Like ellay said, don't sign anything you aren't comfortable with, and keep financial talks to email. You have to protect yourself, you know. And why couldn't you ask for custody? Be careful she doesn't sweet talk you into signing it all away. She is being a wolf in sheep's clothing right now, when the negotiations are going on. Not disrespecting your W, but do be careful. Do what is best for you and the kids, and don't bet on what may happen in the future. Reconciliation may happen and it may not. You will just know you gave it your best shot.
DC, I agree. Any time the future and reconciliation is brought up in a financial talk, that's blackmail. Stay firm with what you're requesting. She's the one who wants this after all.
Me: 30 W: 28 T 8, M 6 S: 7-27-2007 W filed (again) 3-2011 Served 8-2011 Responded, now dark "I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear" MLK
Well I've had a fairly quiet stree free weekend!!!!! Hoorah!!!!
I had the kids on Friday night, all was good, no issues.
Took them home on Saturday then went home myself
As I was cleaning my place my wife called me, again it started as a nothing call, 1hr later we are still talking!!! Again, it was all about the hurt and the past etc, but I turned it around and started to talk about the good times, how much in love we were, how good it was when the kids were born, etc.
She agreed totally, and even said that she has never regreted 1 minute of us being together, but then did bring up the hrt again, I just listened and apologised again.
I went out with a good friend on Saturday and had some real laughs, made me think its time to move on.
Went and got my son on Sunday morning for football, wife came to the door, all chatty and friendly, we spoke for a while, I told her about the night before and we laughed, then I left with my son.
After football, I took him home, wife came out again, and was smiling and waving to me, spoke briefly and I left again.
So, I get home and I'm laid on the bed chilling watching tv, this is a benefit of living alone!!!! I gets a call off an work colleague, a female work colleague!! She is aware of my situation, I've spoke to her about it, I've worked with her for about 8years, and we have grown close. She said that she is driving to her parents to visit, and is passing close to my town, did I fancy meeting up for a drink, I haven't seen her for a few months so agreed.
Then my wife starts to call, I got about 6-7 calls off my wife, they were all nothing calls, and everyone was friendly, but I felt she just wanted to talk to me? It started about kids school stuff, to uniforms, to them messing about for her, to Xmas presents, all nothing really, but I could tell she just wanted to chat, I didn't push the conversations, and ended each call friendly.
She called again about something else,but it was close to when I was going out, so I had to end the call by saying I was going out, she was fine and we put the phone down.
The girl I work with, is 10 years younger than me, and very attractive, I think if I had been single something would have happened between us, but I wasn't and it didn't!!!
So we go to a local bar and order some food. Just as I'm about to sit down, I notice my wife's nephew at a table eating!!!! He could'nt help but notice me!!!! We exchanged hi's, how's things!! then i sit down, talk about awkward!!!!! haha
So me and the girl are talking, she is having a few problems with her boyfriend, etc, we talk about work, we talk about me, my kids etc, all really nice, and i admit I enjoy the company of a woman, and even better a very atractive woman, even though thats shallow!!!
I notice my wife nephew finishes his meal and is leaving, but, he come out of his way to talk, we talked about my kids, how they were, etc, his job, etc, all good then he leaves.
This is a good guy, he's a lot younger than me,but we always got on really well. When he started a DJ career he borrowed a load od old CD's I had when he was doing Old School nights, so we always were friendly.
He's totally aware of my situation, so I expect something will be said and my wife will find out, but what?? I was having a meal with an attractive woman?? So what!!!!
We end our meal and she leave, I think there could be something there if I want to pursue it, but I need to think about that!!!!
So I get home, within 5 minutes, wife calls me!!! She had been phoning me while I was out and was worried!!!!
I just said I had just got home and had left my mobile at home, again it was nothing important??
I stayed home the rest of the night and watched TV.
So it was a quiet weekend but again lots of questions raised!!
My wife wants a split, she has pushed it and has OM, although he's away now, but she wants a maintain close contact
We speak for hours on the phone, in fact we probably speak more now than we did when we lived together?
We spoke on Saturday about my drinking, my AA meetings, and the future, she was all positive and spoke about my changes, how the kids loved the new me, but what she did say was that she had to leave for me to make these changes, again I agreed.
She even mentioned about when I said that we would get back together in the future, she said that she didn't want to think about the future for now, lets just get the house settled, lets get on as friends, and then who knows what could happen?
I feel that although she is determined on divorce, be that through pride, or whatever, she still has feelings for me, and maybe some doubts also??
What will be, will be
For now I can only look after me and the kids when we are together.
Even if you ere thinking of something being possible between you and the young lady from work, leave it alone. she said she was in a relationship, having trouble, but still in a relationship. You are still married, no divorce, so you know what that would be if you did take up with this girl? Adultery does not make a good revenge against adultery. Just sayin'.
Having a drink with her as friends in a public place is fine, I guess. If your nephew reports backs to your W, then hey, it will give your W something to think about as in someone else seems to be very interested in what she didn't want anymore. And it could make her think she may have to rethink her plans. Maybe. Just play it cool, if your W says something, just say it's a friend of yours and that's it. If she brings up her having to leave to get you to change, tell her life is great, and you feel so much better about yourself.
Just be careful with your W getting all friendly and stuff, don't let her sweet talk you into signing anything you will regret. Taking care of yourself financially will be taking care of those kiddos, too.
