you are mind reading here and obsessing and negatively projecting. This is not a productive use of your time. Counter productive in fact.
You're absolutely right. Focusing on it does no good.
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what people share this information with you? stop them from doing so.
It's my husband's co-worker's wife. She's kind of known for being a drama queen. The thing with them is that she and her husband have been in our position, only she was the WA. She thinks she's looking out for me by letting me know what I'm up against. Last weekend, when she told me this, I did tell her not to talk to me about it any more and she hasn't. Knowing things like that takes my focus off what I am trying to do. In all truth though, it has helped me up my ante a little.
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Do you want him to choose you? How will that happen? By confronting?
I haven't said anything else to him about it. He mis-texted me right after he first left me, and I admit I freaked out on him (this was before DBing). Since then, I haven't said anything else about it to him. He's the one that keeps bringing it up. I told him that what he does isn't my concern - that I'm not his keeper and he doesn't have to explain anything to me. (That was a 180 for me, as I was a big time questioner.)
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Are you being the better choice?
I really am, and I know it. He has said that I am too focused on the kids. He was right. This g/f of his has a little boy. She goes to school full time, works full time, and parties in her free time. Her stbx has custody of the little one, and she rarely sees him. I can see that he has taken up with my complete opposite. Of course, I am still focused on the kids (I'm a single mom now after all), but this has been a major wake up call for me. I have learned to balance my life a little better. I get my time with the kiddos, but with the help of some friends, I have been able to carve out time for myself too. I've learned that I really was letting the kids walk all over me, and I am nipping that in the bud. So, yes. I feel that I really am the better choice. I have balance where she does not. My kids are my first priority, but I have realized that my happiness is important too.
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Or is your pain and anger (which I understand!) stopping you from being warm/loving with him?
It was. But little by little, I think I am getting hold of myself. I realize that being cold to him doesn't fix anything. I am working on being detached, but friendly. I want to be that breath of fresh air for him. Fun, easy to smile, easy to talk to. That is the real me.
Another thing that I have realized over the last month is that I was so co-dependent on him for my happiness. It was bringing me down. I have learned that I am responsible for my happiness. Do I love him and want him to come home? Of course! Will my world crumble if he doesn't? He11 no!
