I was obsessed with my xh for the longest time [I am actually embarrassed how long] And when I managed to get clear of the obsession/addiction. compulsion [and it felt like all three] I functioned so much better, and started to enjoy life to the full.
But you need to work at it. Your wife is crazy right now. really nuts. And she isn't going to wake up one morning and 'feel better' If and when she does wake up it is a long slow, and humiliating process
If you used to drink you will know how embarrassed you were after you had gotten drunk and done and said some inappropriate things. Well this is in spades big time. And these MLCers are as proud as Lucifer. If they weren't they would have sought help like a normal person.
Accept the divorce, and with it, my assurance, and that of so many others here, that you will feel much much better a couple of months after it.
It takes some of us a long time to realise that how we feel is up to us, and not up to what the crazy people in the attic are doing today. I relate to you because I was so like you. now I have truly moved on and am extremely happy with my life. Doesn't mean I don't miss my xh and that I have ceased to love him, but there isn't anything I can do to help him, except be cordial when he contacts me, when he is civil [which he mostly is these days] He was a crazy spewer like your wife, but I refused to listen to it [a boundary], and it helped so much.
Remember once you are divorced she has no right to contact you. She gave that right away. She has no more 'weapons' except any you choose to give her by letting her spill over into your life.
Everyone tells you to focus on you, and your kids, and your life. Try and get some areas of your life working well, and have fun - whether it is exercising, listening to music, cooking. Fill your life with things you like to do. I predict in time you could be one of the most helpful posters here, precisely because you felt it all so very much.
