Back home - but for how long?

[Accuray]

Harrier,

I hear what you're saying. Earlier in my process when things were really bad the DB coach said to use the "stranger standard", so I feel good we're up to best friend.

I agree with you, I do have expectations of my best friends, and I never want to have sex with them, so this relationship cannot be the same as that.

My W felt that my expectations of her are too high, that she will always fall short, and she resents when I tell her I appreciate something she did or said. I think the DB coach's point was to dial my expectations back, but not all the way back to casual acquaintance, and not to get so invested in my W's efforts because shining a spotlight on them makes her uncomfortable.

I felt this relates to NYCPeter, because like me he pursues, and let's his W know when she does not meet his expectations. That puts pressure on her, makes her responsible for his happiness in her mind, and therefore makes her retreat.

I think that is the DB coach's point. We have very high expectations of our spouse, and maybe slightly l