Hello! Wife and I still communicating. She says she is very happy with how I have been with the kids, and how she feels she can talk openly with me and that I'll listen to her without being defensive. She says a part of her is still waiting for me to go back to my old ways (an inattentive father ). At this point all I can do is continue to be the dad I've always wanted to be until she realizes I woke up and it's not just an act. I hope she notices and warms back up to me.
She's otherwise very thoughtful, wants me to play with her hair and scratch her back at night. She still gets my favorite foods at the grocery store, has a drink waiting for me when I get home and we still laugh together. However, there is no intimacy (no surprise I guess) whatsoever - kissing, touching bikini parts etc. She even tries to get dressed out of my view (never seemed to bother her in the last 20 years, but now it does). When the subject of sex came up the other night she got pissy and didn't want to discuss it. I wasn't asking for sex, just curious if she missed it. She said she doesn't want to do it and that she's angry at me still. It's amazing how she can act so sweet then turn angry on a dime. I suppose it's those resentments.... She says that one of the things she resents is that she had sex with me several times when she didn't want to (before I knew she wasn't "in love" anymore) because she felt guilty. Not sure how she can resent ME for that as I was unaware at the time, but she does.
Last night she gave me another feeling letter - this one was single spaced 3 pages. She expressed a TON of anger at how I've ignored the kids. The letter felt like a shotgun blast to the chest. It's clear she will have a lot to forgive if we are to move on. She said that despite writing the letter, she's still very angry and hurt about those things. I'm not sure she even knows how or wants to forgive and let go of those things to move on. Again, maybe my continued new behavior will help.
I'm frightened that if we go too long without being intimate that we'll "lose it" somehow - and not be able to go back. Anyone on here have any experience with returning to intimacy after a sitch like this? How long did it take? What were the signs that love and intimacy were returning?
). At this point all I can do is continue to be the dad I've always wanted to be until she realizes I woke up and it's not just an act. I hope she notices and warms back up to me.