We now have agreements in writing. exBF no longer wants to take D to his house (???) I told him to on Saturday and he said no. He said, "It was just that once" and then told MC "I know we didn't agree on this." And didn't make an argument for it.
To me, this continues to indicate that he throws curveballs. It is sooooo consistent with his behavior for three years, it's just reached a new level.
But I do see your interpretation. It's not at all what my gut is telling me.
Therapy is $40 a session. I'm not sure what you're asking about affording it. Is is 10,000 times more valuable to me to get through to someone and have them give me feedback and hold me accountable, then going through these boards sometimes and the pages and pages of accusations, misunderstandings, having to console people, etc.
I'm doing it 2x this week b/c things have been so intense. I talked to her in 20 mins. I'm excited. She's phenomenal. And fair- and defends exBF but also is truthful about stuff and talks to me about D and what's good for her, etc.
I've been wanting to bring this up b/c I don't know how to deal with it, but I'm about to talk about it in therapy- but I will say it here.
When we were in our longest stretch of MC (from about Oct 2010 to June-ish 2011), the MC tried to show exBF how when we'd get close or things would go well he'd blow it up and push me away by being sarcastic, putting me down, getting passive-aggressive.
This is part of when I realized he was very very tough to get close to. He finally broke down one night and sobbed admitting how much anger he carried around, and then later told me he was so sorry and scared, and held my hand and said he never wanted to let me go.
But he quickly closed up again after that.
As I've stepped WAAAAY back to the point where I barely interact with him, I observe that when things are well here, it's the same; it's like he can't stand it, can't maintain it, and he admitted that to me before - that he was in a "good" R before me, but he "freaked out" and that he apparently thrives on chaos.
Nice.
So I am moving toward low-key, drama free, so focused on my stuff, so on a system b/c I have 16 hour days and need stuff to get done, and I could feel that night coming - I was posting on here going "Something's up with exBF" and sure enough WHAM.
I felt that, hard. It's taken me a week to recover (which is my problem, which is also why I found a new IC and am getting moving now).
(BTW, I'm still amused by your inquiry into how I can afford T - but anyway - he pays for MC) He said he's giving me 4K for October, but I have to sign some paper.
Anyway, I feel sort of intimidated by this now. As I did back then. Like I worked really hard to do what you guys said "If you know he's going to be late, don't react. If you know he's going to ignore her bedtime, don't react, etc..." I got that down. That day, I had it down, he called, he was late, I didn't react. He was an hour late to MC the other night (it's a 90 min session) I didn't react. He was 15 mins late to come see D today, didn't say anything. But he'll always find a new way to throw me a curveball, and I'm trying to figure out how to deal with that.
There are very few consequence or repercussions in his world. Today, I called him at noon and I was waking him up. Like I don't know what that world is - but anyway, I am trying to safe-proof myself. B/c he wants reactions out of me.
I will add more about something else I wanted to bring up here later, and will probably post about IC.
