Lila, I'm sorry you feel attacked, abused, and berated. I'm sure that is no one's intentions. I don't know too much about your past, but I can only assume that those feelings started long ago, before this board, your BF. Those feelings are there because SOMEONE in your life actually did those things... so you're brain started training itself to defend your heart.
Again I may be making assumptions, but if I'm not. Know that it's ok.. and that it's understandable.. but also know that all the power lies within you. We can sit here and say we are not attacking or berating, but you have to SEE it. And maybe that's what you may need help with more than anything.. destroying that defense mechanism.
I don't know if you are a religious person or not, but my pastor talked last week about the body of the church - I think I express in a different way.
We NEED people in our lives. We aren't perfect and will struggle with something while we are in this world. The people in our lives help us with our gaps and flaws. That is not to say they complete us.. but God has put them in our lives for a reason. They provide strengths to our weaknesses, give us glasses when we can't see, pick us up when we fall down.. etc.
That includes the people on this board.
You asked why if one person says one thing, why does 20 people have to say the same thing?? Just because a general message is said 20 times doesn't mean it's the same.. it's not..by a long shot.
There are times that I often get the "same" advice, but the way people communicate it to me is so different. They bring strengths that I don't either possess or refuse to use in the moment. By seeing that - I am no longer limited by my fears, insecurities.. and sometimes stupidity. I can use their strengths to provide me with the strength I need in that moment.. and that is sooo awesome!
Perhaps you could try to look at people's feedback from that perspective.
Please try. Please try and see that they are investing in YOU. People who don't care.. don't invest.. period.
They are frustrated.. of course they are.. they care!!!
But see if from a place of love, not hate. A place from wanting the best for you vs. beating you down.
If you do that, you WILL see a drastic change of how these wonderful people can contribute to your life.
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
