Grace, Love, Compassion, and Faith

[JustStunned]

Val, you did well, kudos to you.

I walked out of there with my head high. I felt that I loved her but more importantly that I loved me!!

That you can post this says you did well and more importantly you know it. From my POV that is the most important take home. Add it to the other blocks and use it to build with.

[Valeska19]

And will process it more before being specific...only a few "L" comments

* if the worst that she can do is pay half, and you are requesting that

then what does she have to lose by NOT mediating? Why shouldn't she fight for more, strategically speaking?

Ha - I would expect nothing less 25. What she would lose by us not mediating and us using lawyers, well then everything would go on the table. Our 401k (which I took off) and individual/together debt. (which I didn't even consider until this morning.. I don't think she did either).

Our savings would be gone in an instant due to lawyer fees. We would lose more to try and get more. We both know that.

Oh, and if you are going to count assets jointly as 50/50

then why isn't it fair to count contributions that way too? (I.e. the health insurance...)

as for your increased rent, good point, except,

HER rent went up too

(and fault is legally irrelevant).

I've thought about this too. It's something I need to pray about. I'm struggling to deal with the fact that I could very easily take things off the list, but w couldn't unless they were birthday gifts. She used the fact that she loved me to make me feel bad (I don't think purposely) but that's hard to swallow at the moment. I need to go through my feelings to get to a place that I can think instead of react.

Well, enough for now. I got too specific too soon,

sorry

No worries. I look forward to hearing your thoughts whether they are L comments or DB comments.

[Rick1963]

Thanks for posting this Val. I couldn't stop reading it. It gave me lots of insight and what to expect. You did a gret job.

[Valeska19]

Thanks Rick. I hope you and your w don't get to this point. I wouldn't wish D on my worst enemy.

[jbnati]

Val, you did great! It sounds like you learned this is a long hard process, too. One mediation session is not the end. I think your W learned a lot, too.

I'm sorry you're having to go through this. ((()))

[Valeska19]

That you can post this says you did well and more importantly you know it. From my POV that is the most important take home. Add it to the other blocks and use it to build with.

Thanks JS.. And you are definitely right about the emotions too.

[Valeska19]

Val, you did great! It sounds like you learned this is a long hard process, too. One mediation session is not the end. I think your W learned a lot, too.

I'm sorry you're having to go through this. ((()))

Thanks JB. I am definitely learning alot. This isn't the end.. not by a long shot.

I'm sorry too, but I need to learn to love myself and honestly I think this D is going to be a step to showing me how.

[Valeska19]

Journaling -
It's raining in LA.. in October! I grew up in PA and lived in Chicago for 7 years so seasons have always been a part of my life.

In LA, we don't have seasons. We have super sunny, kinda sunny, june gloom, and rain. I'll take the rain though. My car needed a wash.

I have alot going through my brain right now. It's not that I'm afraid to put my thoughts out there but there is alot of confusion for me.

I can understand why the D process is so ugly now after only 24 hrs. The unsolved problems and feelings that you experience in your marriage only amplify in the D which would make sense.. If those problems were solved, I most likely wouldn't be here.

The emotions are insane. I can say that last night I made offers out of good emotions.. my w.. out of negative ones. It's nearly impossible to not be emotional. I might even go as far as to say that it IS impossible.

Because of this, I can understand the need for a L. Although my w and I are in different fogs, we are both in one.. It's hard to see the finish line, therefore difficult to know which road to take.

I did text my w last night and thanked her for her attitude and openness. That I really appreciated it.

Other than that, I will limit my contact while I continue to process everything.

Whatever the feelings, I am going to allow myself to feel them and then deal with them. The more I'm dealing with stuff, the more I'm okay with dealing with stuff. I'm glad I'm not running any more, not matter how hard it is at times.

Tonight is community with my church. I plan on dressing comfy and enjoying the company of my new friends.

[wawinla]

Journaling -
It's raining in LA.. in October! I grew up in PA and lived in Chicago for 7 years so seasons have always been a part of my life.

In LA, we don't have seasons. We have super sunny, kinda sunny, june gloom, and rain. I'll take the rain though. My car needed a wash.

The rain was a nice change of pace, though it makes driving more challenging since folks have trouble with inclement weather.

On the Westside, the storm has now passed and it's a nice sunny day!

I can understand why the D process is so ugly now after only 24 hrs. The unsolved problems and feelings that you experience in your marriage only amplify in the D which would make sense. If those problems were solved, I most likely wouldn't be here.

V...so true! This is my constant struggle -- balancing DB, GAL, and the practical/unwinding.

Because of this, I can understand the need for a L. Although my w and I are in different fogs, we are both in one.. It's hard to see the finish line, therefore difficult to know which road to take.

Whatever the feelings, I am going to allow myself to feel them and then deal with them. The more I'm dealing with stuff, the more I'm okay with dealing with stuff. I'm glad I'm not running any more, not matter how hard it is at times.

I admire your attitude. I know it's difficult for you on so many levels, but take comfort in knowing that you're handling this as well as you can.

I know that mediation is heading my direction...THANKS for giving me a glimpse into what I'm in store for.

I'm happy you're doing okay.

[Valeska19]

Hey WAW
Yes it was. Thank you. I do question if I'm handling it the best I can. I know I'm definitely thinking about my w's feelings and wants.. I'm just not so sure I'm thinking about myself with such TLC.

I'm sorry mediation is heading your way. It is a difficult thing but you have to believe you will come out of it okay. Easier said than done for sure.