Lila, you do have a unique ability to frustrate people! But I totally give you credit for coming back and trying to get it, honestly I do.
One of the most important things you can learn, is to try to view events through a different window. If you look out the front window of your apartment, you see one scene - if you look out the side, you see another. Sometimes you have to make a CONSCIOUS EFFORT to look out a different window.
Some of us have been trying to get you to look at certain events through a different window, in order for you to reach a better understanding. When it comes to exBF, sometimes trying to see events through HIS window will be helpful to you - whether or not you agree with his interpretation of events.
So, for instance, I can imagine THIS interpretation of the events of last week:
ExBF has been telling you for months now that he was leaving, R was over, you needed to work, etc etc. You kept tugging on the rope (instead of using the useful trick of dropping the rope, which might have made him reconsider) by dragging your heels, telling him you needed him to come get D to sleep, not weaning, D can't go to his apartment yet, you needed more time for everything (I understand that you do not do transitions well, Lila, and that this all was a lot to absorb and process - but it is also true that 99% of LBSs here do not get that kind of time or money to transition).
ExBF, because of his OWN issues, appears unable to just say no to you, so he "agrees" to all these things, even though deep down it's not what he wants. For instance - he wants to take D to his new place. But you lay all this guilt on him about how D needs time to transition (really, this is about YOUR need to transition, at least when it comes to her seeing his house). Finally he gets so frustrated that he decides he's just going to man up and take D there, regardless of what you say. He's a bit scared of you, so when you start to mount resistance to the idea, he gets mad and makes a scene (he's probably also terrified that you are going to keep his daughter from him).
I know you were probably scared that he was going to take D and keep her. Not an unreasonable fear - the solution for that is to hurry up and get a court order for support and visitation (which we have all been urging you to do for weeks now). But given that you DIDN'T have that in place, really, going to the police station was over-reacting, and leaving the abuse pamphlet out for ExBF to find was at best foolish since it bolstered his fears that you might keep D from him.
Just one example that I keep trying to get you to see - you keep thinking you have these "agreements" with exBF, but he's really not on board with them - he's just afraid to say no to you.
(In future relationships you need a guy who will stand up to you better, btw. )
And on a practical note, I would NOT make any of your financial plans based on money ExBF has promised you. I think the same principle is operating - he "agrees" to certain things because he can't stand up to the onslaught of your words and logic - but he really doesn't want to do that, and so deals with it passive-agressively by not actually giving you that money (while you are running up all these bills. Seriously - how can you AFFORD all this counseling???)
