ugh, what to do??

[realormakebeliev]

Rick, you are dead on with the confusion of the WAS. I just had a conversation with the H- wow. He implied he wanted me to go on the outing after all, and became extremely upset/jealous/snarky when I told him I no longer could go. Asked me who I was going out with, and when I told him made a sarcastic 'if that's what you're really doing' comment. WTH?

This is the same guy that 5 days ago said he was going to file??

Anyway, I stayed calm and answered his questions without taking the bait. All I can do.

JB, to your point, its so strange how whenever I GAL it drives him nuts! Especially if he doesn't know who with. Today he seemed totally ticked off. I just can not figure him out. Does he really think I'm going to sit home and do nothing while he does whatever he wants?

Blah, my stomach is in knots...

[Rick1963]

ROMB that is a good sign that what you are doing is working.Just don't over do it so he doesn't justify his actions for wanting to leave. When ever I got angry or pissed I told W to get a D even though I did not meant it. Me saying that is what got me here. Yes the WAS are hruting just as much. Like I said on my own post. A female that works for me is a WAS as of yesterday. She is suffering, confused, and scared but determined to leave her H. She said that she can't trust him. But if he changed his behavior and show her that they will stick she will reconsider. Hang in there

[realormakebeliev]

Thanks Rick, the support means so much to me...

[jbnati]

I agree, I think Rick's dead on with that the WASs already consider themselves to be single. It's not easy to accept. At the same time they are very confused. They tend to operate in panic mode from time to time when things are turning out how they think they should.

Does he really think I'm going to sit home and do nothing while he does whatever he wants?

I'll have to say I gotta love it every time my W calls, I'm not home, and she calls me on my cell to ask what I'm doing. Keep the mystery going! Don't let your H hold a double standard.

[realormakebeliev]

Another fabulous (insert sarcasm here) weekend with the WAS...

So the night of the event came and he's hammering me to come with him. Told him I couldn't since I had already made plans with my friends. He goes back and forth between understanding one minute and then the next he's mad because 'I don't love him enough to do it'.

Here's the thing- then he wanted me to come over even after I went out with my friends, and we were about 2 hours apart location-wise...so now he's mad that I wouldn't A. ditch my friends altogether or B. drive 2 hours at 1 or 2 in the morning, only to have to drive back to the sitter before 8 am, another 1.5 hour drive.

Of course, I chose option C., none of the above and he will not let me hear the end of it. He also IMd me about 30 times that night, all drunken, abusive (his words even) messages. I didn't take the bait, but I am wiped out after all the back and forth drama. He did apologize for the IMs.

Was option C. the right choice? What is the DB way to respond to this? Since then, we have talked and he is all over the map. He's changed his mind several times about seeing us this weekend, but yet is still making future plans. Told me he missed me, and then hurls some insults a few minutes later. He is unbelievably confused, that much is clear.

Since he was waffling so much on seeing me this weekend I again went ahead and made some tentative plans, and then he decides he wants to get together after all. Honestly, I don't think I want to at this point. I am so exhausted from the drama and I feel like I just need a break.

Hope I'm not screwing things up, but this is really starting to affect my health and I just need to take a step back.

[realormakebeliev]

Thanks JB, I know what you mean but I swear the way he reacts to my DBing is crazy sometimes... I just don't know what to make of it.

[In_Shock]

The whole thing about the WAS feeling single already. I agree. In my situation W just said the words -- I want to break up. To her, she's now free as of those words. Forget the 13 years and the 4 year old son. She doesn't think of the OW as an OW -- I guess just a NEW woman....

It is amazing how they think. Denial Denial Denial. It's SO depressing. ROMB I'm right there sending you good energies my friend.

Not sure how we ended up on this fricked up ride, but I've been reflecting ALOT this past week. I am beginning to believe that WE really are much better off than the WAS. I used to say that but now I'm beginning to believe it. WE are learning. WE are growing. (it sux but it's still growth) THEY are running away toward the 'shiny new whatever'

You are in my thoughts. *and u guys really are a good looking couple*

[realormakebeliev]

LOL, IS, thank you! I appreciate the good energies, too.

I don't understand the WAS feeling single already- not that I don't agree that they do, I just don't get it. Especially since he goes nuts if he thinks anyone is paying attention to me.

I was telling him about the waiter we had the other night, who's mother is younger than me (I thought it was one of those funny, OMG I'm getting old moments as did my friends), and he said the kid had to be hitting on me. This was what some of the nasty grams he sent me that night were about, that I must not be responding to him because I was 'hooking up'.

During one of our talks since then he brought up that I just don't understand the 'attention' I get when I'm out somewhere... It wasn't a 'hey I think you're hot babe' kind of thing, it was almost said with contempt. What's up with that? Why even say it? Why does he care? **sigh**

I guess that was a little tiny boost for my badly bruised ego, albeit in a back handed sort of way.

I am so drained!!!

[realormakebeliev]

Update.... just saw some very interesting pics of H online...doesn't appear to be wasting any time. This sukks.

[jbnati]

ROMB,
Sorry for the tough weekend. ((()))

I think you did exactly the right thing the other night. Your H wants to walk away from the M, but he expects you to drop everything and move mountains to make it to the event? Seriously? IMO, he needs to miss you and be respectful of your time and plans. Sometimes a reaction of anger is not a bad thing.

I don't understand the WAS feeling single already- not that I don't agree that they do, I just don't get it.

It is amazing how they think. Denial Denial Denial.

So true. Add to that justify, justify, justify. They have to work pretty darn hard at it, too. It is amazing how "I'm done" = license to be single. But again, it requires a lot of self convincing to get to this point.

I am beginning to believe that WE really are much better off than the WAS. I used to say that but now I'm beginning to believe it. WE are learning. WE are growing. (it sux but it's still growth) THEY are running away toward the 'shiny new whatever'

I really believe we are better off. We ARE growning. We ARE becoming better. I'm afraid our WASs are going in the opposite direction, chasing a vision that's smoke and mirrors.