Turning Over A New Leaf

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Sorry, 25. I guess I can't say anything more. I feel really trapped, like anything I say from here forward is going to continue to be misconstrued and I'll continue to be bashed; I don't even know how to get out of this at this point. Things have gotten so confusing.

If I go to write, everyone is in such attack mode, waiting for my every word to bash me that even my positive posts (above) are somehow still seen as a joke.

You're doing it again. Did you read my posts Lila, or were they "too long"?

25, quite the sarcasm, and I'll listen better. That's pretty basic, right? Is that an okay request?

I am going forward, and I simply don't have the time to read back through past threads, most of which have gotten very confusing to me. I'm asking to go forward not to disavow myself of anything, but simply for clarity, time, etc. Would you be okay with that? Would anyone else?

Speak now?

You sure you have nothing to say, b/c you'll just be "attacked"??

Possibly. In fact, I think I even said that. I don't know what you want me to do at this point. Can you be clear on that? Not talk about progress b/c in your estimation there is none? Make up negative stuff so you can continue to believe I don't change? Apologize to everyone one by one, go read your old posts and talk about them with you?

Do let me know. I'm not clear.

That's a pattern right there. Even when you clearly offended someone,

What is?

Either you want to "Start fresh" (= "ignore all the stuff I don't like...including questions I won't answer And Or glaring inconsistencies that explain the frustration the posters feel b/c no one understands ME...")

Or you'll withdraw b/c "everyone is attacking ME"...

Okay. I'm here. So I'm not withdrawing.
What questions need answering?

What inconsistencies would you like me to address, 25?

objectively speaking you need to assess how that would sound if another person wrote it

Fair.

Your reactions have at least 2 things in common;

1) you don't own a thing you've said or done,

and

2) you repeat your old behavior.

Okay, and so moving forward, say I do this, do I get a chance, or should we just keep bringing up old posts? I'm making changes every day, some of the deepest ones have been since Monday.

I guess the 3rd thing would be that You are the victim too, no matter what...

Or, possibly 25, here's a new version of that story: You used to behave a lot like a victim b/c that was your standard unconscious MO, but now it seems you are breaking free of that stance, and moving toward freeing yourself of codependence and taking action, responsibility, and ownership. Perhaps you, 25, have not seen evidence of that, and that is okay by me. I have nothing to prove to you. You don't live with me or interact with me every day. Stuff on here has gotten really tangled lately. Let's do this - we move forward and you have permission to call me on stuff, and I will try to respond different, address your points, apologize where needed for anything insulting, etc.

Lila, I spent a lot of time giving you specific examples of things that offended or irked people

Where is the boundary here? Why are you advocating for others. Maybe we just all need to stay in our own sandboxes?

or that hold you back, b/c I don't think you get it.

This feels more appropriate to me. This, I appreciate. Thank you.

You admitted that you don't know how you come across.

So I gave you specific examples, (including a significant one in which you offended me)

I got this. And I also sincerely said I was sorry - did you read that post? Was it too positive?

and now you play victim, saying you are being "bashed" and "attacked" by "everyone".

Victim? I don't know. It is starting to feel like a hostile environment. Are you okay with feedback like this?

So.... you won't respond to or answer any questions or make amends...b/c you're being "bashed"....and "everyone is in an attack mode"

Actually, I've mostly done it out of not advancing more insanity in my posts. Are you willing to believe me here?

If you cannot take ANY form of feedback to help you improve yourself, (outside of us agreeing with your approach,) then you won't improve yourself.

"ANY"? Do you think this is true, 25? Have I not?

and LBSers have to do that or they'll never get well or change or be happy.

ANd what is the point of us posting?

Right, which is why I'm back to asking for going forward. I can't correct what's happened in the past.

I have tried the velvet gloves, the gentle encouragement, and the cheerleading approach, but saw nothing change for more than a day or two.

Eek. What is a day or two in forum world? This feels like pretty defeating expectations. Can you give me a chance?

Lots of claims of insight and growth...but inevitably when you are tested by events or even ambigious incidents, you over react, you get mad, or play the victim,
You backslide & I see a worsening of your underlying issues vis a vis your ex bf. It scares me and the other posters.

Again, rather than telling me what other posters are fearful of or feeling, let's talk about you.

BTW, we all recognize that this is a public forum, right? And I'm not going to live by every single thing everyone says, right? That I do have the right to take some of it and not the rest. I'll get better at writing back to people. I've just been busy.

You know at some level you have a problem. You know that posters are frustrated...I say theres a connection.

No. I'm not necessarily connecting this. A bunch of people who often will act abusively, judgmental, and critical on a forum, who I've never met, who could be projecting, I'm not going to say "that's my problem" because someone I don't know is frustrated. Ever heard of "Other people's opinions are their business?"

BUT - having said this, it does not mean I don't find MANY (not all) of the posters information valuable and helpful. I often - more often than not - do. Lately, though, it's been a bit of a madhouse, which is why I'm just trying to start fresh.

You risk ignoring us and our feedback at your peril.

I'm sorry that you maintain this, 25. But it's clearly not true that I'm ignoring (Again, I'm going to say you - as I will address one person at a time, rather than the more nebulous "us")

Your ex bf said he "tape recorded" you as he took his/your d to his placem which you say was not agreed upon.

25, this is the kind of stuff that concerns me. Perhaps you respond to so many posters, you don't catch details; honestly, I don't even know what this means. This is incorrect information. And this is a perfect example of where I back off from time to time b/c I honestly don't know what facts people have straight and don't have straight.

Ever wonder what is on that tape? Ever think it might NOT help you?

Okay, so I'm going to go back and tell you the info that is accurate. exBF threatened me with audio recordings he said he captured IN THE PAST of me "yelling at him" - and that's what he's taking to court. He said this the day he barged in and was throwing D's stuff in a bag.

Do I wonder what's on them? I guess. I don't know if he's telling the truth or not.
Do I think it might not help me? I don't know. Depends on a lot of things. What is there to do about it, though?

Ever think you might want to listen to us and change your approach?--

b/c we don't want to see you lose your d.

But I think you could, if you stay on your collision course.

If warning you about your collision course= an "attack" on you, if that's "bashing" you, then things are not going to get better soon, so be it.

Good luck. I think your resistance is among the deepest I've seen. Not a lot I can do about that.


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