That's fine, Rick. I'm just not sure what that would look like. I take everything everyone says in, I might just not reply, "Okay, you're right. I'm stubborn." Or apologize to people for being stubborn?
I just read, take it in, keep doing work, write with where I am, etc. I don't even know what to say anymore. The incidence with the domestic violence pamphlet was a big deal, yes, but once one person responds about it, I get it. Twenty more people don't then need to chime in and berate me. It doesn't even make sense.
I lived it. I apologized to exBF - I even found a new IC b/c of that incident. Because I got so shaken up and shaken to the core over that day.
It's as if people assume I cavalierly go about making idle threats to exBF to manipulate him. Why would I do that? It doesn't even make any sense to me.
I got scared and didn't know what to make of what was going on - GENUINELY ... I'm still upset over it. I know in my heart why exBF pulled that stunt. He even "half" admitted it in MC.
And I'm perplexed. Three weeks went by and I was doing 180s, minding my own business, we had agreements (written) and schedules, and boundaries, and he does that shite all the time. Defending him is one thing (getting me to see that it may not have been aimed to hurt) but seriously - the man walked into the house and went nuts out of the blue, and I wrote several posts saying "Something is up" - days before that incident, then that.
But everyone focuses on the end result and acts like I did it spitefully or to hurt him. I didn't know where my boundary was. And so I talked to a new IC immediately and she got me so on track in 1 hour that I am talking to her again today and quite my old IC whose been around for years.
Does that show I might be ever-so-slightly MOTIVATED here to do stuff different?
It gets really defeating to keep listening to people say you have changed one bit, Lila. And oddly I keep posting. When was the last time anyone said a single positive word to me on here? Is that what this is about?
Even a moderator had to step in last thread just to get people to stop airing their judgements and criticism.
Again, I want to post here, because I do learn. I'd be long gone if I couldn't take it, but I'm not about to spend hours reading through past posts that I may have not thanked posters for, responded to, apologized for, etc. I just don't have that kind of time right now.
I even genuinely apologized to 25, and she still has more and more and more grievances. I don't even know what this is about anymore. I've just lost sight.
