As far as the family get together and 180s - be the best ROMB you can be around them. Be upbeat and positive. Give your H some space. I'm sure you'll be lookin' good. Think about some improvements you can do in regards to how you would normally behave at such a function and execute upon them.
Not sure where to begin- perfectly awful weekend. I'll condense it by saying we got in a little disagreement over something D said, it escalated, he ended up cutting the weekend short and in the end he said he was going to file.
I have waffled so much during these few days, all the way from 'I don't care anymore' to 'WTH was I thinking' to 'I can't let this happen'. We ended up having a talk and decided to hold off on doing anything for the time being.
I love him so much, sometimes it takes my breath away. I believe he loves me, too. I just don't understand how two people can love each other but not find a way to work it out.
I have done a great deal of soul searching and 'digging deep' as 25 would say, and I know there are things I really need to confront in myself. I have taken the 2x4's to myself and it wasn't pretty.
He did tell me he has 'issues' that he feels are unfair to me. I don't know if this is just a WAS excuse, or a legitimate claim. He says he also has a lot of fear that I will hurt him again (Although he has never been really specific on this, I believe he is referring to my previous fighting tactics- I am stubborn and had a really bad habit of 'going for the throat' when we fought).
I have heard from H since this went down. The first were IMs that indicated he was thinking about me, then a call later to talk to D which was kind of cold.
Not sure what to do about this latest development. I am really trying to reflect on this, and I know I have been approaching some of the DB principles from the wrong angle. Need to reevaluate and focus on trying to save myself and not just my marriage.
I am so grateful for the reprieve, although I am still scared to death its temporary. My heart hurts so much right now. Its just crazy how I can go from feeling kind of hopeful to feeling so incredibly lost. Detaching is just an insane concept to me right now.
I am giving this to God, right now it is too much for me.
Try to take this one day at a time. It sounds like your H has established the cycle of the WAS - drawe closer, pull away, draw closer, pull away, etc.
You're right - you do need to save yourself. You're the only one you can control. If you can do this, it will be all worth it, regardless of the final outcome.
Originally Posted By: realormakebeliev
I am giving this to God, right now it is too much for me.
This is good. Let it draw you closer to Him. Perhaps closer than you've ever been. May you find the peace that surpasses all understanding. I am keeping you in my prayers.
No significant contact with H today...we have talked briefly, but just about D and nothing noteworthy.
I am still deep in prayer about my sitch, and trying to GAL like crazy. I have been trying to start a business that will pull me out of my current financial crisis and still allow me to spend time with my D. Praying that works!
I am trying to focus on detaching and getting back to a place where I can drop the rope again. This is absolutely the worst thing I have ever dealt with, but I feel like if I can come out of this I can do anything.
Today I spent a lot of time trying to find a IC as well as a MC on the off chance I can get him to go. I have had such a hard time trying to find someone who is 'marriage friendly'.. there is literally no one in my area. Frustrating!
Had some contact with H today- he IMd me, and I did keep my responses brief. I'm trying to go dim again, if for no other reason than to keep myself sane.
I was also proud of myself for making plans on the day we were supposed to go on an outing, but that was canceled after last weekend's fiasco.
Today should be a busy day, lots to take care of so I am grateful for the distraction. I'm working on setting some goals for myself as well. Hoping for the best!
Punch to the gut this morning...a mutual friend posted a blurb on FB about the outing with H I was supposed to go on this weekend. It was obvious he was told I wouldn't be there from what he said. I'm not really sure why it hit me like that but my stomach just dropped.
H was also pretty miffed I reactivated my FB account (I had briefly left FB after our last drama and told him I did). Not sure why it bothers him so much? I have reconnected with some old friends this way, and it almost seems like he doesn't like that I am now hanging out with some people he hasn't met. Opinions? Is this a good or bad thing?
Hey RMB... I know how it feels. This morning I sat down at the computer and when I turned on the screen it was still on my wife's FB page from last night. She must've been tired and didn't log out. I fought myself to not snoop, and didn't, but right there in the middle of the screen was her posting to a girls' group about a local beer tasting dinner in a few weeks. Her post "yeah I'm in... but solo of course :)".
Most of the other girls will be bringing their husbands. And I think it's the smiley face that really hit me. Of course I don't actually know what that means... "yay, I'm solo!" or "solo, as usual" or "since you girls know my drama you can figure out I'll be solo" or "I'm not bringing my drama, don't worry"...
Gah! On top of it, I was kind of hoping to go... now not so sure how to deal with it. Hit my square in the stomach though.
Married 6 together 8 Me:38 W:31 second marriage for both SS12, SD10, S6 Bomb: 9/8/11 (day before our 5 yr ann) W moved out: 2/18/12 D final: 11/12/12 Share S 50/50. Spend as much time as I can with SS & SD
Hi WHG, its so weird how certain things bug us, right? I plan on being out with friends when the 'event' takes place...have you made some yet? I would highly recommend it, it definitely puts a positive spin on it and will hopefully keep my mind off what he's doing.
I wish there was a not-so-obvious way I could let him know I'm not sitting around moping about it, too, but I guess that's not the DB way.
PS Don't let her know it bothers you!!! I'm going to pop over to your sitch in a bit, thanks for stopping by.
The WAW/WAH are very confused individuals. I think they leave hints on purpose so that we see them and be hurt. We the LBS's have not come to terms that they have already separeted from us and that in their minds they are single and free to do whatever. I am starting to believe that DBing for us is to start thinking of ourselves as being single. That's just my 2c.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
ROMB, don't worry about what your H thinks about you re-joining FB. Don't worry about that he doesn't like that you're hanging out with some people he doesn't know, either. You certainly don't need his approval. He isn't asking for your approval for anything he's doing. Also, a little bit of mystery is not a bad thing right now.
Try to find something fun to do while you're H is at the outing you were supposed to go on. You may even want to post on FB on what a good time you had doing it, too. I used to avoid FB, but now I'm starting to take LP's (LearningPatience) approach and that's to use it as a PR tool.
