Things have been pretty stable lately. I am getting more and more comfortable, and am finding that my confidence and my work habits are improving, my brain seems to be working and I am almost back to my 100% at work. I no longer think of my situation all of the time although I am sort of addicted to this site that even at work I have to look at the website every now and then.
H and I are now pretty friendly with each other, we talk all the time we are home, there are no longer any awkward moments or times we ignore each other. Our convos are about work, news, etc. Sometimes some personal views, values, beliefs come up in the conversation but I notice that H seems to take them in stride and no longer looks like he is uncomfortable. I feel confident that our M is getting more and more on solid ground and that the possibility of us going our separate ways in the near, or maybe even intermediate future is diminishing a lot.
I have learned to let go of H and to just believe his words when he asked me to let him handle the EA issue. I know one of these days it will be just a dim memory. I know he still is in touch with OW, but I just trust him and God that it will end. It makes it easier for all of us.
H really is into taking care of all of us again. He is the most attentive Dad to our D, and is very caring of me as well. Makes sure I have everything I need, cooks and buys food I like, took me to the doctor when I felt sick, and even made sure I did not attempt to drive myself because I was dizzy. He calls when he is out of town, tells me when he is boarding the plane, lets me know when he will be late.
The thing is we don't have any sexual intimacy anymore. Its been 3 and a half months since we had last ML, and I did try to initiate last weekend but he avoided it. I asked him if we are going to have a sexless M, and he just smiled at me, and I just laughed back and told him I feel like I am too young to be celibate. But amazingly, our convo did not affect the mood of the day, and we still had fun the rest of the day.
I am starting to think more about the lack of sex in my life and wondering if it will ever come back. It makes me feel sad, although to be honest, I don't also feel that much of a physical attraction to H right now. Weird, because during the time that we were so emotional, and riding the coaster, we both were actually quite passionate and I could almost say that it was one of the more sexually satisfying periods of our M! Now that things have dies down, the passion has died down as well.
Those of you who have gone through this before me, did the same thing happen to you?
Me:49 H:45 D:12 M:14 T:18 Bomb: 6/26/10 EA: 9/3/10, fizzled out slowly, now ??? 11/5/11 Retrouvaille Finally piecing.... Its peaceful at last, but we got a looong way to go
