Met with MaleFriend tonight who looked at the budget I've kept since giving birth to D (meticulous accounting on my part) and we went over that, then added all my new expenses - plus paying off debt, ira contributions, saving for a car, certification, travel) and realized I need to take home 63k per year after taxes. Woah.
Pretty eye-opening (and this accounts for EVERY expense except savings and D's college fund).
Ahem. Wow. Fortunately, before I left his house, we shaved it down to 53K by reducing my rent from 1475 to 1000 and taking out the 200 a month in heat (this was assuming I moved into an apt for that - which I found a few of in the paper today).
So next time, we'll go over how I might shave another 10K (tight) but I think I can do it and get it down to 43K and just know that's how it'll be for a year, before I can make more money so pay off debt then use debt payments toward savings/college, etc.
I'm still sending out 20 resumes a day to different places, learning a new skill (SEO writing) and working my *ss off.
But I have to say, leaving his house tonight, I felt like a new person. I needed to do this 10 years ago and I had a little grieving period for myself about how my parents abused me around money and I allowed myself to be abused by exBF around it and this was one of those blind areas in my life that I think feeds into the codepency cycle around self-care.
This and sh*tty Rs all my life have been my big blindspots/rough areas, and I've done sooooo much R work so intensely in the last two weeks by hiring the new IC and really finally *getting* the concept of boundaries and putting them into practice every single day now - really getting it.
I know it seems like basic stuff to some people, but I was probably pretty severely codependent to not be able to have grasped this stuff.
So I'm really entering some adult space, and being so much more consciously aware of things like when I'm in fight/flight or when I can appeal to someone with a boundary by letting them hear me in a way they can hear me.
I think I mentioned here the list I made of all the ways I thought exBF had power over me - and that was only a week ago, and already half the list is vanishing. Amazing.
I've been exhausted - worked 16 hours Monday and usual day is that (7 am to 11 pm) - and D was up from 10:30 last night til 3:30 am and then up at 6:45 - but IDK - I have all this new fresh energy that just feels good.
Got a flu shot, getting dental work next week, getting bloodwork, researched health insurance, looked for apartments, found a new IC, weaned D, "met" someone (that I've been talking to online through a parenting group - but we just write emails and I actually talked to him on the phone last night and we sort of hit it off but I can't really be in that boat right now - though he gave me SOOO many good ideas around this coparenting stuff).... got my house cleaned, bought frames to frame D's artwork and the photos from the photo shoot we did Sunday (my mom split the cost with me and I'm excited to have black and white photos of D and I), more caught up on coaching work, signed three new contracts, talked to exBF a lot since last night (he was an hour late to MC - did I mention this?)
Got through to him (I think) he's coming tomorrow and apparently I'm "on probation" - and he's going to find us a new MC. Accepted his offer for $$ which is not what I asked for, but better than nothing and better than standard child support.
Got D fall clothes, made progress with new sitter (in terms of her schedule) have social plans for the next few weeks...feel more settled, etc.
