Just my .02- sounds like you need to create some boundaries. He actually sounds like my H in a lot of ways, and the only way I have been able to get his attention is to do exactly that. When I have been polite, but detached he notices and pursues.
You don't have to ignore him, you don't have to be curt- but are you letting him be the one that calls? Are you cutting the conversation short? Are you maintaining an air of mystery? Are you not always available when he calls? Seems to me like he needs to really understand what it is to miss you, because as you said, he's cake eating.
I know, I know, I know how hard it is to drop the rope. I am struggling with it as well, and a lot of what I'm telling you is stuff I keep telling myself. But we have to really work on detaching and becoming better people, and worry less about the outcome. If by doing so we save our marriages, that's great!
And right now I'm working on practicing what I preach...
