Turning Over A New Leaf

[25yearsmlc]

Lila

one chronic source of friction for me, is that you have still not read the DB book, yet you are dismissive about its' value, & you actively promote other books and approaches here, while saying DBing doesn't work.

About a week ago, you wrote to someone:

"So you want me to listen to you over my sister who----... has seen him and I interact,found the GAL list of 30-something things a "no brainer" has read the DB book?...

A few days later, you posted:

... I've been reading DB but I think I need to read the other book - what is it called? The one that talks about WAS behavior, 180s, GALing, and some techniques?

Lila,

The techniques and the rest of what you seek, are IN the DB book, so just read it......(But then, surely your sister could have told you that??).


Do you see ANY reason why it's frustrating for us to see the above comments of yours, and THEN to read your question? Didn't you wonder why no one answered it?

The underlying philosophy behind this unique "short term solution based approach" to therapy, needs to be understood to be applied.

While You may dismiss the 37 Rules as "no brainers",
I don't think you did more than 1/5 of them.

And for the record, I implored you to read the book months ago and you said you had "started it."

So yes, your credibility is an issue. See the above comments and really read them again if you don't understand why that is. Same goes for stories that have crucial "details" trickled out, until the reaction is finally more to your liking.

If you don't want to read the book, then don't pretend to apply the principles, or dismiss them as having failed you or condescend to us about them.
That's just one small example that irked me.

But in your defense, I think you are totally unaware of how you come across.

And the more you are unaware of how you come across, the more often you'll be surprised by others' negative reactions

and the more likely you are to feel that you are being attacked.

Then you tend to put us down b/c you are hurt / angered by reactions you didn't expect.

You've insulted me more than once and never retracted a word of it, though you claimed a month or so ago, that "there's been a shift" and that it was "safe to post now". But it's not safe. You get nasty fast. ANd you don't seem to recall it.

Hence the reluctance I feel posting to you.

I can't speak for others, but my guess is that's part of why so many stop posting here, or get mad at themselves for doing so.
Feels frustrating and potentially fruitless.

I hope you prove us wrong. I hope you read the dang book
(it's not that long) and get something real out of it.

If you had done so back in March when you began posting on this site,
(a site which is premised on the views espoused in the books,)

who knows what might have been?