WAH - It's getting ugly

[workinghardguy]

Let me also recommend a book, "How to fix your marriage without talking about it". During a phone coaching my DB coach recommended it and oddly enough I had found it a while back and had it sitting on reserve for me at our library.

The book talks about "emotional attunement" and then gives strategies for dealing with it. It's a natural process where we tend to move our emotions to the level of other people when we're in proximity. Negative emotions are stronger than positive and so those tend to win out.

I was really grateful to find it because it's hard... I try to be Mr. PMA and it works with the kids and I. We're all PMA, PMA, PMA after school, during dinner, and doing homework. It's a PMA party.

Then my W walks in the door. Between her emotions and her depression it's like an arctic cold front just arrived. I still try PMA, but I've noticed it falters and falls flat. It's like the energy just gets sucked out of my PMA. Suddenly it's half-energy, semi-fake PMA. And I've been trying to figure out what the heck is the issue... alas, here it is... her negative energy overrides our positive and we all end up in the suck zone.

And of course the corollary to that is she then sees coming home as a painful, energy sucking experience (even though she's sucking the energy from the room). So hence it makes her more stressed and uncomfortable to come home. Bah!