Journaling - It's raining in LA.. in October! I grew up in PA and lived in Chicago for 7 years so seasons have always been a part of my life.
In LA, we don't have seasons. We have super sunny, kinda sunny, june gloom, and rain. I'll take the rain though. My car needed a wash.
I have alot going through my brain right now. It's not that I'm afraid to put my thoughts out there but there is alot of confusion for me.
I can understand why the D process is so ugly now after only 24 hrs. The unsolved problems and feelings that you experience in your marriage only amplify in the D which would make sense.. If those problems were solved, I most likely wouldn't be here.
The emotions are insane. I can say that last night I made offers out of good emotions.. my w.. out of negative ones. It's nearly impossible to not be emotional. I might even go as far as to say that it IS impossible.
Because of this, I can understand the need for a L. Although my w and I are in different fogs, we are both in one.. It's hard to see the finish line, therefore difficult to know which road to take.
I did text my w last night and thanked her for her attitude and openness. That I really appreciated it.
Other than that, I will limit my contact while I continue to process everything.
Whatever the feelings, I am going to allow myself to feel them and then deal with them. The more I'm dealing with stuff, the more I'm okay with dealing with stuff. I'm glad I'm not running any more, not matter how hard it is at times.
Tonight is community with my church. I plan on dressing comfy and enjoying the company of my new friends.
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
