Thanks, guys. Yeah, I'm aware of siblings being able to enjoy each other despite large age differences, it just happens that in H and my families there seems to be a big issue with it. But I know that age is not the only factor in the strained relationships. Sister and I grew up hating each other and we were only 4 years apart. We didn't become close until I moved away for college. On the flip side, H was close with his brother who is 6 years his senior, until his brother got a car and was too cool to hang out with his younger siblings and now H can't stand him. H has never liked his sister, and she's only 2 years younger than him.
So yeah, definite exceptions to the rules. I do tend to overanalyze. I had always told myself the marker to tell me if I'm ready for another child isn't necessarily dependent upon my child's age, but her level of development. I personally don't want 2 in diapers at the same time. As soon as D is reasonably potty trained (I know occasional accidents will still happen) and can follow brief verbal instructions, I will probably be ready for kiddo #2.
All that dependent upon things working out with H, of course.
I don't know who all reads my sitch on a regular basis (I know there are folks who read and read and never/rarely post... I do that a lot too), but to any new DBers out there.... one of my biggest words of advice is be careful who you tell. Obviously make the support network you need to be healthy during this difficult, awful time. But if people don't NEED to know about this, don't tell them. They will not understand why you are "putting up with" your spouse's crap. They will give you very non-DB advice. And then if things do turn around, they will not be so forgiving.
I've made it a point to tell as few people as possible about this (especially ALL the gory details), but there are some that still found out through the grapevine. Extended family members are, to put it lightly, livid with my H. And I'm sure they think I'm a fool to even fathom the thought of staying married to him. I'm just concerned about how this will strain relationships in the future.
I know I can't control what they think or how they feel, but it blows knowing that if they had just been kept in the dark, they wouldn't be potentially hating him for the remainder of our days. I know I felt that way about my best friend's ex. He screwed her over again and again, and from the very first mess up I wanted him out of the picture. I feel like it really effected our relationsihp.
I just don't want that for H. Or for you and your spouse if you reconcile.
I often think about how we're going to tell D about this one day. When should we? How should we? I don't think this should be kept secret. I know H is ok with this (we've discussed it). I had once said to my IC if I come out on the other side of this still sane and married, I should write a book. If only so other people who go through this while pregnant will know they are not alone.
Thank goodness I had this message board. Because without it, I would have felt even more isolated.
I can't be the only one out there. I know I'm not. I don't want any other woman feeling alone during that time of life either.
