I'm not sure what you are thanking me for but I appreciate the hug. ((()))
Originally Posted By: lc4
One thought regarding the letter to OW...it might be better that he just end all contact with her period...no letter, no more texts, emails, phone calls, etc. If she's starting to back off, a letter may stir her up again. Some crazies see ANY contact (even if it's negative in nature) as a sign of interest. Just something the two of you may consider and/or discuss with a MC before he sends it. It may be very freeing, though, for him to write the letter and then just destroy it.
I'm looking forward to hearing about Retrovaille! I hope it's a great experience for the two of you!
xo, lc4
lc, you might be right about the letter. I think it's more about closure though and making sure ow understands that he never loved her and that she actually made him more unhappy in the end. ow thinks H returned to our M out of obligation to our kids and that she is better for him, which is why she sees herself as the victim. She kept trying to convince H to leave me by saying that he was not getting his needs met in the M. While H did tell her many times that he was having second thoughts about leaving his marriage which is why he kept stalling about moving out, he never admitted it was because he was beginning to realize that he still loved me. He kept the focus on our kids, on his obligations and on her, telling her their A didn't feel right anymore and that he was beginning to think that he had not done everything he could have to save his M. He never admitted he still loved me out of fear she would try to hurt me. When the A started he didn't care about my feelings because he was so angry at me but now that he is not, I think it's about making it clear his feelings for her were a facade and that she is a fool for thinking this was all not fair to HER. And it's about putting the respect back where it belongs and taking away her self-absorbed belief that she was the wronged party and is the key to my H's happiness.
But you make some good points and I will talk to H and I'm sure we will give it more thought. And yes, I will post all about our Retrovaille experience in a week and a half. Thanks as always, lc. ((()))
