I think if you were earning a decent reliable income now, or had an end in sight or a bigger payoff, it might very well improve your situation.
Can you make any of those^^ things happen or change?
After this long, 4 more years of her working full time AND doing work at home too, AND not having a partner available to her as a companion at night (without prolonging the schooling even more) is a lonely way to live... and for you to get a teaching degree probably doesn't seem like enough of a pay off after this long, For HER...(apparently)
Dig deep....Is there something in this^^^ that YOU can change?
Another clarification, I have 3 years of school left, and I go to school during the day when she works. I am around during the evenings except when I work, most nights if one of us is not gone (working for me, usually socializing for her) we do separate things in separate, though I have extended invitations to do some things together. She just doesn't want to spend more time with me than she has to, at least that's what she says.
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Did she finish school? Did she want to? Did she get the option?
Yes, she is a pharmacist and makes a very high income. You may be right about the man providing but she has never addressed that specific option with me. Here I am at a paradox. If I quit school to make more money, thus potentially showing her I can provide, I validate her opinion of me as someone who cannot finish what he starts. I cannot do both full time school and full time job, though I am working 20 hours part time. It's the closest I can come to fulfilling all areas of need both for myself and for my family.
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Sorry if this hurts your ego b/c it's so not my intention to do that.
I lost what little ego I had throughout this process, and I continue to seek new ways to understand myself and my R with W. Though I can get frustrated, I am beyond being offended (unless you called me a really bad name... maybe). =)
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What is it YOU think bothers her so much, if NOT the money, direction or work issues?
in short, I believe she believes what she is saying. You need to contrast her beliefs with new facts.
I think is a combination of all those things, but to a far greater degree that warranted in my opinion. Certainly there is history to be considered for the negative, but there is also history to be considered for the positive. At first, it was the direction that was lacking and my financial and house contribution were solid. Unfortunately when my direction became solid 4 + ago, my financial and house contribution became lacking during that time. Since January Bomb, all 3 have been steadily getting better, certainly better than any or all have been since we've been married. However, my pursuing her while saying "look! I did what I said I was going to do!" for the first 4 months after bomb just made her disconnect even more emotionally.
So though the actual physical part has improved dramatically, I grew up too late emotionally, and now she's been "done" for the past 3 months.
To sum up, many of the factors you listed certainly contributed to the failure of our marriage. The two biggest factors impeding our healing however, are her view of me as a failure and "mooch" just "living the high-life", and the fact that I was sometimes controlling in our conversations by trying to control the situation (see previous post or ask if clarification needed).
I can and have changed my behavior to stop trying to control how she views me or to justify my behavior. That being said, and based on that principle, I cannot change how she views me with anything other than actions. If she views our entire marriage as me simply trying to live off of her, and 4 years of solid direction mean nothing, then that means I have to give it 11 more years before, in her eyes, I've been reliable/responsible longer than I've been unreliable irresponsible.
She is obviously not willing to wait that long, and since those are the major factors and seem to heavily outweigh the things she liked about our marriage, I see no way to save our marriage. I cannot influence her with words, and my actions seem to mean nothing as well.
