Last night, I was talking to my mom on the phone. She made my night when she told me that I am an inspiration to her. She is going through a bit of depression and has turned to alcohol as a way to cope. She said my positive outlook and ways of handling a bad situation have inspired her to make changes within herself. Gives me warm fuzzies to think that my own personal journey is helping someone else - particularly someone I care very much for.
I had a weird dream last night. H and I were riding in the car and I asked him to stop at a convenience store. He waited in the car while I went in. From here, the dream focused on H, rather than what I was doing. I was inside the store for a few minutes. When I walked out, I was carrying bags of cash. H, thinking that I had robbed the joint, bolted. I mean, he couldn't pull out of that parking lot fast enough. I'm left standing there with the bags of money, wondering, "What the heck??" I had just won the lotto! (I know that when you win the lotto, you can't get big wins from the store, but dreams don't know these things lol.) Anyway, I remember I was standing there wondering what to do. Then, it dawned on me: If H would bolt on me when he thinks I am at a horrible place, why should I not enjoy what I gained? The dream ended with me feeling good about winning, but sad that H wasn't open enough to enjoy them with me.
Tonight is the first part of DivorceCare at my church. H will be coming by after work to watch the boys while I'm gone. I am not going to do anything special. The boys will probably be finishing up dinner as he's getting there, and I'll probably just be getting ready. What I am trying to figure out is how to NOT come across as cold. I want to be friendly with him and make eye contact, but I am having trouble taking that step lately. There is just a bit of awkwardness that I am having trouble getting around.
After my class is over, H wants to go over the Parenting Plan for pre-filing mediation. I don't know if he'll want to do it while the boys are still up or if he wants to wait until they're down for the night. I know we would be able to better focus on the task if they're in bed, but I have a feeling he won't want to wait. He has been avoiding being alone with me. And frankly, I'm a little intimidated by the thought of it, myself.
