I got a call yesterday from my wife asking about what we were doing regarding the house/finances, the timing seemed strange, I was at work?
So we spoke and agreed that she and the kids should remain in the house, we just needed to agree on what I paid and what happens when we eventually sell the house when the kids leave home. We agreed in principle and will get it ordered through the court, we ended the call amicably.
During the day I was talking to a woman who I know from work and we had a coffee in my office. We were just chatting when she told me that her marriage was over!!, I was really shocked?
She then told me that basically her husband had become totally detached from her, isolated her, and she felt alone, Hello!!!!, is this me apart from the drinking!! She then told me that she was so alone she started talking online to some guy, that the thrill of this guy talking to her was exciting, and she loved the attention. She said that it made her feel that there was a life for her away from her marriage and she felt alive again.
She said that it came to nothing, but made her understand that she deserved better and left, Hello!!!!, is this my life!!!!
It made me realise what has happened to me and my wife, it really hit home.
I was home on the evening thinking about things when my wife called, I didn't answer, I didn't really want to speak to her.
A few hours later I thought I'd better call, she was just looking to talk money again, and make sure I was ok with things???, not really sure what this meant, we cannot do anything until we see our solicitors??
Then again the conversation got around to us, or more so me, drinking, and the past!!! She was talking about the past, etc, then I said to her, I know I isolated you, and I know I took you for granted, and I'm sorry, I totally understand why you left, and I also totally understand how OM showed you attention and said the right things, and I also don't blame you for being with him, I might have done the same if I had been in her situation.
I said although I hurt, I do understand why.
She was totally silent.
I said I was sorry for what I became, what I was, she deserved better, but I was changing back to the old me, for me and the kids. I said that I was done fighting, it was hard and I was tired, I said that eventually we will get back together I was totally convinced, and fighting was not going to make that happen.
I said she needed to be happy, and I want our kids to be happy, that we have to be friends, and over time maybe with my changes etc, she may fall in love with the man I was.
But for now lets just be friends again, and overtime maybe the wounds of hurt may heal
She then told me that it was the nicest conversation we had had in a long time, and she wished I had put it in writing so she could read it all again??
She said that for now she wanted to be friends and feel settled, and that maybe we could spend Xmas morning together while the kids open presents!!!!!!!! OMG!!!!
We spoke some more, I spoke to the kids, and ended the call, I felt totally calm.
A little later another call!!!!, out son had lost his PE top I had just bought him, not sure why the call!!! But she was surprised when I told her I had it at mine, and washed it!!!
I offered to take it over, she was pleased and asked could I get some milk!
I went over, the kids were all over me, she thanked me for the milk, we exchanged comments and I left, the kids closed the door. As I was getting into my car the door opened, it was my wife, she just shouted thanks, and waved, I waved back and got in my car and left!
I feel happy and content this morning.
Not sure about the future, don't know what will happen, but I feel happy.
