Checking back in after a bit of a break. I had been feeling very overwhelmed with everything and needed to step away for a bit of a breather I guess.
So much has happened since my last post, but it seems that not much has changed. I am still working on detaching from him, but am having trouble figuring out how to do it lovingly. Last night, for instance, he came over to see the kids. He was trying to chat with me, but I kept busy cooking dinner and barely acknowledged what he was saying. As the night wore on, I spoke to him a little more, but still was unable to make much eye contact.
I think I've been doing pretty well with GALing. The boys and I have been spending a lot of time at the beach and at the park, just enjoying the beautiful weather. Last weekend, I was able to go out with a girlfriend. That was the first time in a really, really long time. H was a little curious I think. Several times, he asked me where I was going. After the fact, he asked me several times if I had fun. I didn't give him much detail, as I am trying to keep a little mystery.
I have been working really hard at keeping a neater home. I've realized that toy clutter makes my mind a little chaotic. When I do better at keeping things picked up, my mood picks up. I also rearranged the furniture in the living room a little. H noticed, although he didn't say much.
This is something I am trying to wrap my mind around: This morning, he stopped by unannounced. He said he was in the area and wanted to stop by and see the boys. S4 wasn't even out of pre-k yet, so it was just S1 and myself here. When he pulled in, we were outside hanging Halloween decorations. The house was neat, which I think was a bit of a surprise to him. So here's what I am trying to figure out: His stopping by unannounced?... Was he trying to check in to see if what he saw on his announced visit was the real deal? Is he curious about how I am really doing, when he isn't looking? Or was he genuinely wanting to see the boys? I know it does no good to try to mind read, but I guess I'm just wondering if he is starting to take notice in some of my changes. *shrugs*
