exBF is no longer coming here. We have MC tonight at 5:30 but I don't know if he's going (I didn't check in with him today).
I told him on Saturday to just go and I'd put D to bed.
This was after that earlier fiasco that started last Thursday and ended with me going to the police at the urgings of two friends after he took D against my wishes. I came home with a pamphlet on domestic violence (the emotional part of it oddly fit my sitch) and he found it on my bed and walked out. He said he's not coming back and now wants to go to court.
This doesn't surprise me that things have escalated. He can't seem to keep his cool for more than a week if that. Funny how things have changed.
I'm a week into weaning D and things are going much better for me (emotionally and mentally already). I also am meeting with a new IC/coach a friend recommended and she is CREAM OF THE CROP AMAZING.... it's like she's customized to me - she teaches me about boundaries, - wow, so much. I just had one session with her and it rocked my world.
She also gave me insight into a lot of exBF's behaviors, like how this all went down back in the spring when I had made the decision to change my own behavior rather than pointing the finger at my WABF - it changed my life when I decided that (this was after I found him talking to an ex-gf and admitting to frequent porn use - and we had not been having sex and had a lot of emotional distance) - he is a major distancer and has talked about space this whole R - which kicked up my abandonment stuff, but I am finally getting a handle on that.
She said that when I made that turnaround, I went to him and asked that he stop the sarcasm he was so accustomed to putting on me (along with constant jabs, cursing, etc.) and he said "I'm done" -
She said putting that limit on him caused him to start punishing me; and it's literally been that way every since.
She told me what healthy R's look like and how things would have looked had I better boundaries, etc. She also gave me some tips and book titles on co-addicted Rs.
And we're now talking about D and how this is a bad sitch for her, but I can't change it - I can only make it better. And that I can't change him or keep her from him, but I can model healthy behavior and one day show her/teach her how to set boundaries with her daddy since he is walking the path of potential enmeshment with her, which upsets me.
But this was all in one session, so I'm excited to continue.
Right now, I'm on my own. exBF hasn't seen D since Sat. and will see her Thurs. This will be the longest time any of us have been separated - but she hasn't been asking about him.
He emailed me ysterday about a xmas present he bought her and said he'd call - he texted, and he called, but she was in bed.
I feel like this space might do all of us some good - though I don't want to seem like I'm "punishing" him - though I just lost potentially 20 hours a week of his "help" since he was staying over and putting her to bed at night/waking with her in the morning.
I'm exhausted but more energized. I outlined the ways I imagined he can "take" from me and have power, and I'm working on taking that power back.
I do miss having even a wee bit of downtime, though. And I'm just living day to day - not sure what's gonna happen, still haven't seen money from him and in two weeks will file for child support if I don't see the 9k he owes me by now. (Well, not "owes" but said he'd give.)
