Not quite in midseason form...yet

[MadeToSucceed]

Yesterday was tough. I think I GAL'd pretty well this weekend and have plenty on tap this week and this coming weekend. I'm feeling better and better about my GAL'ing and what it is doing for me.

That being said, yesterday's brief interaction with my W via text shows I still have a ways to go. I tried to provide comfort but without pushing discussion of a future that has us together. But to be completely honest, I pray for her and for that future of us every single day and night.

I love my W and there is a huge part of me that feels so convicted to continue to stand for my M and fight behind the shadows. She's in turmoil right now internally. I can see that much. Was it done to make her feel better? I don't really think so. I honestly think she had a tough time and literally couldn't go to OM or anyone else because everyone else would probably think she's crazy for bringing it on herself. I'm not perfect so I didn't feel it was my place to come down on her like a ton of bricks.

She reached out on what was once a joyous day and now was almost one of mourning. I don't feel like I did any damage but probably could've chosen some different words. But in that moment I wasn't DB'ing. I was living my life and communicating with the woman I love. I don't think I pushed her further away. Maybe it is a sign of something. At worst it is worth taking notice of. I WILL NOT get too up or down over it though because I know that it could ultimately mean nothing in the grand scheme of things and that today and future days could be just like all the others. But it was interesting that she did contact me 3 days in a row including our anniversary. That hasn't happened since July.

All the same I have work today and I'm putting on a workshop as well about how to be successful in college for my students.

This evening I'll have class and workout afterwards, catch a little TV and crash. I have a big week ahead of me that'll be capped off by being in my bestfriend's wedding on Saturday. My W won't be there and probably no one that we know will be either but I can't lie...I'm kind of anxious to take some pictures in my tux and post them. LOL.

I'll check back in a bit to receive my 2x4s. I don't mind the pain of them because it helps me grow so I appreciate you ALL! I will also try to catch up on some of your sitches because I've been so busy GAL'ing all weekend I didn't have time to get to a computer. Hope everyone is doing well and thanks for hanging with me on my rollercoaster...even if I'm the one making the ride rough.