I thought on it and felt I needed to respond. I had a plan to keep it short but I had trouble doing that and let my emotion and love get the best of me.
Me: Tougher than I expected. It was right around this time, almost to the minute, 2 years ago when we said I do. Even though we aren't together physically, I'm still connected o you emotionally and wanted to say Happy Anniversary. ILY W.
2x4 away. I know there is nothing truly "happy" about our anniversary. I don't know where that diarrhea of text came. I showed her some more of the emotional me but at least it was in response to her reaching out and not me. She seemed to receive it well though. This could just be her saying to herself "I still got him" but even though I conveyed those words, its really not in the same fashion as I have in the prior months in that I had no expectation of something being different as a result of my words. I just felt it on my heart and it may go completely against DB'ing but I had to say it for me. It was almost like a stream of consciousness. I can't deny my love for my W and so when she expressed her pain, I felt a need to comfort.
She responded:
W: Happy Anniversary H. Whether you believe it or not ILY too. I never in a million years thought we would be here. I hope I wasn't inappropriate for reaching out to you. If so I'm sorry. Didn't know who else to reach to.
Me: Thank you for reaching out. It wasn't inappropriate at all and I appreciate you doing that. I'm here if you need me. ILY.
W: Likewise H. ILY too.
After reading it back over I kind of laughed and thought of when 25 said her sister or someone hugged their husband in court. That's kind of how I felt afterwards. I was thinking to myself...who just took over my body and typed that stuff? Truthfully though it was from the heart no matter how stupid everyone thinks it may be. I got caught in the moment but I did my best to make sure I didn't push for anything. Initially I wanted to respond with "it doesn't have to be this way" or something along those lines but I knew that wasn't the way to go. I spoke about my own feelings, tried to validate hers and not create an expectation on either end. What I am "here" for I really don't know but I did want to take a step towards reconciling...even if it's just reconciling to us being cordial long term and not letting this sitch make things nasty between us.
About 15 min later she texted again.
W: Jame 1:17
I read it again. Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. Still don't know the angle she's coming from on it though. I wanted to ask her but I wasn't sure how or what that would lead to so I resolved to this.
Me: Thanks. Matthew 11:28-30.
I'm sure she looked it up. She spoke of the day being tough initially so I felt that could give her comfort. Those verses say:
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
She never responded. I went to class and then got out early and went to a local bar to eat dinner and watch the remainder of the MNF game. Finally went home and watched a little TV before laying down.
mid 20s Tgther 7 yrs W EA 04/12/11 PA 04/23/11 W filed 05/11/11 I moved out 08/05/11 Mediation mid Oct 11 D final Dec 11 Now what? ...2012
