Do what I can but still have questions 4

[soccerwife]

This has been the week from hell... I really thought I would be past this already.

The last two mornings he starts in on me first thing about how I don't care about his feelings and he doesn't want to talk to me. I know he is having trouble paying his bills this month so I offered to pay his car loan and he said the only thing I can do to help him right now is to go to mediation.

I went right back into old habits of crying, begging, and pleading. I told him he is a fool to give up his family and that no other woman will ever love him like I do or be willing to put up with him like I do. Then, worse yet, I threatened suicide. Sometimes I really feel like that is to only option to give him what he wants (freedom) and for me to escape the pain (plus prove what he is losing). Don't worry, I made it through this depressive cycle and I see both the physician and the therapist tomorrow morning.

He will regret what he is doing sooner or later and he will learn what is truely important in life. I just hope that I haven't moved on when it happens.

And at this point, I really don't think it is possible to ever trust anyone again. H was the most honest and trustworthy person I ever met and that is literally the reason I chose to be with him (I had other offers but he was the better choice because he promised to never hurt me, no lie). The only thing that will make all of this pain worth anything will be if he changes his mind, otherwise, I really don't think that the happiness I once enjoyed outweighs the risk of more pain.