Trying not to hope is hard

[25yearsmlc]

Fair enouh KD,

but unlike most WAH's, this woman has SAID some things that indicate it IS a problem and most men don't tell their w's that the reason they are leaving them is b/c the mothers stayed at home. I mean I've heard it a few times but it's rare.

Silver's w out and out called him a "mooch" who lived off her work and didn't pull his weight, or words to that effect. OUCH!!

Silver, no offense but your claim of a 4.0 GPA for 4 years is a tad misleading b/c it wasn't full time or you would have the degree right? I mean if you only take a class or two at a time, bottom line is

you've gone for 4 years and have 4 more...that is a LONG time to be in school for a bachelor's degree in teaching. It's the most I've heard of,

and you are a married man and father. By way of comparison,

My sister just got her RN after being widowed 3 y/ago. She has 2 step kids...she did it in an accelerated program in 30 months going thru the summers, And she worked part time too. She paid for daycare for the younger one, b/c her h died. But she did it faster than the youngster classmates of hers.

My sister's kids and she, are way better off than if she had not gone. (BTW she graduated on her 50th birthday and was chosen to be the graduation speaker...I'm proud of her.)

So for me, seeing my sister do that after such a tragedy, is the context I have of parental adults in college. Similarly,

I had our first child 4 years "prematurely" while still in law school and finished at night, one semsester late... yes

I'd say the context of your studies cannot be placed in the context of a regular college student. To your w, you were in the "Provider/Companion" role...
regardless of what you say was "agreed" upon. Sounds like she didn't agree to that...or she changed her mind.

Did she finish school? Did she want to? Did she get the option?

I apologize if this offends b/c I know you mean well and you sound like a super attentive father,

but speaking as a mother with "female intuition" & woman with a career, I fear you are glossing over this issue at your peril. She called you a terrible name but it is a revealing one...


I think if you were earning a decent reliable income now, or had an end in sight or a bigger payoff, it might very well improve your situation.

Can you make any of those^^ things happen or change?

After this long, 4 more years of her working full time AND doing work at home too, AND not having a partner available to her as a companion at night (without prolonging the schooling even more) is a lonely way to live...
and for you to get a teaching degree probably doesn't seem like enough of a pay off after this long, For HER...(apparently)

Dig deep....Is there something in this^^^ that YOU can change?

in her defense, I put my h through med school and residency and it s.u.k.k.e.d. big time.

I'm telling you from the female perspective-though we didn't have to pay tuition b/c he got a military scholarship still,

I know what it's like to work all day at a seriously demanding job, only to come home to a man with earplugs in so HE can concentrate on his homework OR attend a class,

while I get to clean the house, make dinner, feed the babies/toddlers, bathe them and put the kids to bed and talk w/an adult for maybe 4 minutes before picking up MY extra work for the next day....never mind laundry or yard work...
I was not alone but I was lonely a lot.

I THINK it was worth it in hindsight (H loves his work and is great at it)...but at least there was a good pay off promised, and he was consistently working hard in one direction with a goal, and earning something along the way... He finished on time. The income went Up. The plan worked though our son came years early.

And now H works a lot more than I do, and I finally have time with our youngest child...(and I'm okay with that)

Sorry if this hurts your ego b/c it's so not my intention to do that.

It feels to me as if you are missing out on the clues she is overtly giving you.

If she could be reassured that there was an end (closer than 4 more years) to her workload...or like I said, a bigger payoff...then maybe she'd stick it out.

what is it YOU think bothers her so much, if NOT the money, direction or work issues?

in short, I believe she believes what she is saying. You need to contrast her beliefs with new facts.

I hope you can.

Good luck!