Keeping hope alive - Ctflor Part ll

[25yearsmlc]

ct,

If you are not on meds, I'd say ask the doc for some. if you are on medication, ask the doctor to up it...you need some help here and there's no shame in saying that. (Been there, done that.)

But at some point each person has to get so sick&tired of feeling sick&tired that they

STOP themselves...they do what it takes to stop feeling like crap. Meds, therapy, tanning booths, working out, GAL, volunteering, ALL those things I mentioned doing in the interior of Alaska...

and did I mention meds??

You are wallowing in that mire of fear and grief and sickening dread
and it has to stop.

Only YOU can stop it. Not your h, and not some ow who does not matter.

The one thing she has that you don't, is DETACHMENT...SHE does not care

what your h is thinking or doing and she does NOT NEED HIM...

in contrast, you are acting as if he is the only reason you are alive.

What a terrible burden to place on him.

Please see this, YOU are in charge of your happiness. You have free will.

Don't make your h responsible for your happiness and life as well as his; he's barely managing his own.

Hey, ever wonder how those people in war torn nations or who've suffered disasters and have literally LOST EVERYTHING ---do more than survive?

I heard a woman from Rwanda give a very inspiring talk about what her faith meant to her. Her entire family was hacked to death by neighbors of theirs, from another tribe. People she'd grown up with...she hid in a kind neighbor's bathroom for 5 months...and when she escaped to a refugee camp, she weighed 75lbs

and had no children left, no husband left and no parents or siblings left...the home was burned down. She had lost everything and everyone in her world.

SHE is talking to people to give others hope...wth? She mentioned others from her town who had survived & most are happy again. What is it about them that they can bear the brunt of some brutal blows and pick themselves up, dust themselves off, and move forward? Expecations? Gratitude? I'm not sure but

What is different about them? NOTHING....You/We CAN do the same. We are all the same inside...you are not a weakling or a monster. YOU CAN recover from this blow...don't make your h's problems into your character flaws.

In short, Your confused/depressed h isn't sure he wants to stay married to you, & had a crush on OW who didn't reciprocate, and while he does care for you and d, he's not sure what he wants...and that is that.

okay so, the world is not ending. You have to keep on breathing and taking steps and eating and bathing and talking to your d and moving in a direction, etc...

You must keep on living. And loving.

Meanwhile you are moving to a pricey but beautiful area with a ton of things to do and great public transportation. (Thank GOD!!)

We can hope HE gets help for his depression, but YOU MUST get help for yours b/c you are here posting. He's not.

So YOU are our main concern, and I just want to urge you to talk to someone asap. How is your d?

You don't just have to "take" feeling like this...

we're here for you...

((( )))