I wondered if you could see why she may feel that way, and do you think it is fair of her to have resentment?
I understand why she may have felt that way initially, but I truly don't understand why she would continue to be resentful.
One of the issues we've had has been communication, and she has never really wanted to tell me things that may "hurt my feeling" up until bomb. It follows then that she may very well have been resentful of my lack of a job and SAHD status, even though she may have never said anything in that regard. I really think I get that. However, I can't wrap my mind around why this resentment would create such a vacuum within her.
She's said mean things to me that she has never said before. Additionally, I have not wavered in my decision. The fact that she has called this into question has hurt me deeply, as I truly cannot understand what it would take for her to believe in me as she once did. Indeed, it simply may not be possible for her to see me with anything but resentment.
Of all the things I can do to improve myself, and there are many, I cannot be any more committed to my education. If 4 years and a 4.0 GPA don't mean anything to her, then a degree likely won't either. She's just waiting for me to change my mind. Once again, I understand how she could have had resentment earlier, and even how she could resent how I wasn't the best SAHD I could have been for the past couple of years. Heck, I can even understand why she may resent me as a husband for not taking care of her emotional needs as I should have. I just don't understand why she can say she doesn't resent any of those other things now, but just can't believe I'll continue on my career path.
To me they are separate, though I recognize she has rolled it all into one. This has helped me realize that that is the ONE thing that is most important to me in a relationship: to have a spouse who believes in you, who trusts you. This is why we are going to have a really hard time moving on, since I'm having a hard time trusting her if she has no vested interest in me.
If she thinks I'm going to change my mind and be lazy, what will she say to a Divorce lawyer? What will she say to the kids? This is a big issue for me, and I need some strategies to move beyond it, and begin to trust again. Right now, since it's so new, all I see is the woman I loved who stopped trying. That's ridiculous I know, and it's counterproductive.
I'll reread the above posts again and respond again, as I'm sure there's more inspiration to be found. Once again, thank you all for the replies and for helping to give me some perspective. I continue to strive for a better life, and these boards have been extremely insightful to that end. Thank you.
