I really think that there should be a whole book addressing the spouses of nice guys.
Years of being married to guys that will do anything, and put up with everything to keep an R create spouses that feel like they can do anything, and behave outrageously, because their tantrums, and self destructive behaviors have in the past gotten them what they wanted. Eventually they lose themselves in this dynamic and change for the worse. IMHO this latest self destructive move is an attempt to punish you and get your attention. In a very sick way she probably thinks it'll spur you to get a nanny.
Of course after years of using abuse to get you to do what they want, they lose all sense of proportionality. As I had warned you as you establish boundaries expect for her to lash out as she loses all control over you.
Some spouses, gladly accept the new dynamic, they're just glad the passive agressiveness and stealth contracts are gone. Some on the other hand cannot handle using anything but nastiness to communicate and will either leave on their own or follow a path of self destruction in order to get you to leave.
Remember to remain a gentleman, and to keep working on yourself, and don't be surprised if she returns after hitting rock bottom. Although to it seems your W has a very deep bottom, and a very hard floor.
Remember to do what is best for you and your family, not your bruised ego.
