Don't really like being grilled for asking POV of SIL.
I couldn't help but think this statement was a little funny, unless I misunderstood what you had previously posted about wanting to ask your W about her POV. I think you were wanting her to open up more and thought you could "help" her? If I recall correctly, you were advised not to question her as it would only result in another R talk.
As I was reading your post, I was thinking...."Don't do it b/c she will feel like you are applying pressure (even if you called it by a different name). Then when I read how you felt toward your W "grilling" you over the SIL situation, I wondered if you even give it a second thought that she might feel as though she's being grilled by you when the shoe is on the the other foot. (When we are the talker in the M, it's hard to find another soloution besides conversation, huh?)
And speaking of shoes.....
Quote:
She recently told MC that she feels like she's waiting for the other shoe to drop. The first 3 years of our marriage I went from one job to the next, then I started teaching karate and did that for 5 years. It was at that point that I decided, and told her, that I wanted to be a teacher.
I have to agree with 25 on something. I believe your W must have felt insecure during the job bouncing....and when you announced what you wanted to finally do with your life...I suspect it was difficult for her to feel as supportive as you thought she should be, but maybe I missed something. I do know what it is like to live from paycheck to paycheck....and what it's like not having a paycheck at all. I remember resenting my H for not working harder to provide for his family better. I remember him getting bank loans and making poor decisions (and not discussing it with me, and how it hurt us very badly financially. He'll never be able to retire....and even though I have been the one to hold down a full time job and moonlight another one......I may not get to retire, either.
So, it's hard for a woman not to be resentful. Even if modern society has taught us that a couple does not have to follow traditional "roles" in the family, it is very hard to change what has been instilled in us. What I'm trying to say is that no matter how great a salary the woman is earning....she thinks of the man as being the leader, protector, and provider for the family.
The women I know would be willing to give H moral and financial support while he finished his education. After all, it would benefit the family once he had his degree and a good job. But, if that decision seem to come at the end of a string of other short term decisions (like going from job to job, for whatever reason)and then him staying home with the kids while she worked all day... and go home to see more jobs awaiting......well don't expect her to be happy about it.
So far I haven't suggested any solutions for you, but can you understand what I've been trying to say? I'm not implying that you are less of a man (and neither is my H). I'm just saying how we women feel about things.....even in "equal" roles. I wondered if you could see why she may feel that way, and do you think it is fair of her to have resentment?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
