i wonder if you have OCD? I actually have been diagnosed with mild ocd- I have the same problems you describe and have said the same things. I obsess over the R all the time (which doesn't help me stop blurting out things I shouldn't, etc..) I also see an IC am on ADs and xanax -- have a DB coach, and I also struggle with HOW to clear my mind? How to let go?
I wanted to tell u I understand your feelings. The only thing I can say is I keep getting up and going on every day. I use thought stopping techniques like the stop sign a lot.
Hopefully some seasoned DBers can give us both some practical tips. Just giving u my support. I know it is hard. I am totally there with you. ((hugs))
Me (f): 45 W(f) 35 T: 13 y C: S4 adopted at birth 6-18-11 bomb: I want to break up 8-28-11 OW confirmed