This conflict is speech and actions is pretty much exactly what I've been experiencing. One of the things that was said during our last argument was her calling me a mooch. She has said before that she thinks I've been living the high life as a SAHD. However, she has also told me that she expects me not to be an *sshole (like some of her friends have warned to her to expect) during divorce and not to try to take her for all she's got.
Two opposing views. 1) I'm riding on her dime and don't want to give that up. 2) She doesn't think that I'm the kind of person who will take her money.
This is just one example. She's also said recently that she doesn't need my validation for when I think she's making good choices, then turns around and asks for input and is genuinely grateful when I give my input (saying you're such a good guy).
I've got many more examples. The first 6-8 months after bomb were full of these kinds of things. Lately, she's been sticking to her story a lot more, but those two I listed above have remained her paradoxes throughout. All of that being said, I've been feeling fairly good about letting go and pretty much ignoring the negative comments.
She recently told MC that she feels like she's waiting for the other shoe to drop. The first 3 years of our marriage I went from one job to the next, then I started teaching karate and did that for 5 years. It was at that point that I decided, and told her, that I wanted to be a teacher. I begain schooling 4 years ago (lots of part time initially) and haven't wavered in my goals or story this entire time. So I've reached the point where I realize that I don't care if she believes in me or not, because I believe in myself.
