My advice regarding the late nights is to give her all the freedom in the world to do it without commenting on it, even though I think you're right that it's hugely disrespectful. That's something you can negotiate when you're on more stable ground. In my experience, the more freedom I "gave" my wife to continue staying out without asking her where she was and who she was with, the less she did it. At first she wanted to see if she could do it without me making an issue of it, but once she saw that I "didn't care", I think the late nights began to lose some of their allure.
From my perspective, I don't think the closeness you experience with your wife means nothing or is a sign of guilt on her part... I'm sensing that she's just truly conflicted and it's more a result of the elastic band/yo-yo effect. I also don't think she's having an affair...not a physical one at any rate, much as others may disagree with me.
H: 41 W: 35 M: 9 years T: 10 years S: 9 D: 7 ILYBINILWY & "I want a divorce": 6/22/2011 Piecing: 10/2011 Still going strong as of 4/2013
