I am not sure there's a perfect answer May, but then again, that means it's hard to be totally wrong too.
My gut says you are right; it's too soon.
Plus the "loose ends" of not feeling attracted to you
(SIDENOTE-- I just have to yell this once. "OMG, You weird jerk - OUCH!!!" There, got that out).
Also, are you reassured he won't flip out again? How could he give you that reassurance anyhow?
It would take TIME...and IC, and he IS getting c,
but btw---who "Brainwashed" him that somehow pregnancy was the end to his life? Can we go punch that guy in the face...(metaphorically speaking of course)
IF your h's growth continues...he's probably doing as well as he can, given where he started.
QUESTIONS:
1) If you do not move back in, "the world" will know. How will HE look to others and does that matter to him?
2) If it does matter to him, does THAT matter to you?
OTOH, you were already gone awhile. Any public pressure or him looking bad has mostly happened already, correct? His family knows?
3) Who else, if anyone, even knows you two had issues since/about the baby?
4) Notice that the balance of power has shifted so that you are now in the shoes of the WAS...has HE said anything about that? Think he's noticed? (I do).
alright, the other comment I have is, FWIW, the way you describe his entreaties to you to stay, were a tad underwhelming.
It was more than a mere probe, certainly yes. But he's not sweeping you off your feet with confident reassurances...you might need that before saying yes, down the road. (I sure would like HIM to be sure and show it.)
RE your forgiving him....mostly all your work to do. If you decide it's not in you, then don't waste anymore time. Staying together AND being miserable is the worst choice all round...
but If you need something from him to help with the forgiveness work, and it IS work (e.g., more calls from work, fewer trips with hosebag OW, etc) you let him know so HE can own some of the effort. He does have to earn your trust, and you his.
But he cannot fear that you'll hold OW OR his past year over his head like the sword of Damacles...or that you'll throw it in his face when you get really mad...even 40 years from now, once you let it go, YOU GOTTA LET IT GO... and I know, it's no small feat.
In sum, I agree with your analysis.
Not much downside in slowing things down
but I see a big downside to you moving in too soon....
You DO have to keep reassuring him this is not punitive and that it could lead you two to be closer--
but don't forget the reassurances YOU need from him either.
Hang in there May, and don't forget, this IS progress!
((( )))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
